Redream

Every time I think of X

I realize that there is a Y at its end,

Every moment’s pause there is another letter’s cry,

But the most important would be the last two before the last,

Of which the two letters are tied.

There’s something which we are all a part.

To know that truth,

Takes us pass the edge of our minds,

Where the current dream’s fountain’s dried,

Left with simply essence,

And there is no more letters.

Taking it back into my fragmented soul.

It’s wear I feel the fire that’s lost in my heart,

It’s where I return to dream’s gate,

And reach a point like Faust’s,

Where the devil holds a key,

Of which only if I would tear apart my heart.

And disclose the desires within.

-Redream

For nearly a year, my mind’s fountain of dreams has nearly dried, and finally it has. I’ve had to contend with what questions I would ask as I had reached a wall, and I found myself too caught up with the current, rather than the timeless, endless, precious.

I’ve returned to this place because my mind’s current dream has ended, and it’s from here I will dream a new. I will “redream” To find within myself what I’ve missed out from being too caught up with the current happenings of my life.

For now, let me show the poem’s I’ve written over the past year that means the most to me. This post is not about explaining myself, but disclosing the desires within.

I'd share if you'd be so kind,
I would love a peice of your mind,
Its like this thing we share'd that isn't just mine.

I won't wear my heart on my sleeve,
Because it's not meant to be there,
Its to be shared with care.

I'd share if you'd be so kind,
Because we'd be blind to the fine line,
Without this sharing of mine.
-I'd share if you'd be so kind.

I try to turn this object round and round,
To understand why it means so much to me when I'm down,
Whether it was yesterday,
Or just today.

It caught the light of the sun once upon a time.

I find it unusually hard to hold on to it,
Today,
And maybe even more so tommorow,
Because it reminds me of yesterday.

It's a precious memory.

Of the time where the moment was kind,
Up to then I was blind,
Until I witnessed a beautiful mind,
-The precious memory

In this heavy air,
It seems like almost everything touched,
Would just break,
It feels so cold,
And I find myself sinking.

I've almost got my head below the water.

At that moment where I'm at the edge of sanity,
Where I find myself reaching its event horizon,
It's journey halted by your reaching hand.
Our two hands joined in this journey of opposites,
You push me up.

You push me up so that I might burn bright.
-Push me up

On this bed covered with white petals,
the champagne sparkles in the moonlight,
where the wind carries forth a tune so sweet,
resonating within the lady's heart,
like a tender and gentle beat,
under this blanket of heat,
that is where the two souls meet.
-Two souls

Her words touch me like soft kisses,
in its breath it reflects the beauty of her mind,
to know here is to tread a find line,
between sanity's edge where one could go blind,
her smiles shouldn't be mistaken for being kind,
it is within her dance where the truth shines,
of which her heart rarely beats,
of which the courting brings only fleet,
like the evanescence of a dream,
it is only when one truly reachs,
Then she'd truly greet.
-The mistress of desire and insanity.

I had this friend,
I remember her so sweet in her party dress,
It seemed like just a minute that I turned away,
And she was gone.

Into the shadows of my memory.

We were supposed to be close,
Of the conversations we shared,
The many hours and revelations we had,
Of the promise made to each other.

I wonder what happened to those moments long ago,

It’ just a cold empty floor now,
There’ simply those memories to give refuge,
That she simply left,
Without the justified reason.

This cinderella had gone to sleep.

I think it’s like a curtain call,
Like a sinking ship,
With no breath taking sunset,
Without an ending beset
There’s no showdown.

Nothing at all,
Except a silent disappointment in the shadows.
-When Cinderella goes to sleep.

I'm sitting here crossed legged in this valley,
Where there's a great divide,
Listening to the wind brush past the grass,
Blowing across the dust,
Onto the window's glass.

The hinges have slowly begun to rust.

This isn't a faitytale beggining,
But in the middle there was a serenade,
With my prinicess in her beautiful dress,
Looking at me at the moment of sundown,
The day gives way to the swallowing night.

Thats when the match burns so bright.

She'd reach for my hand,
To pull me up,
And we'd take flight,
Where the two of us would fight with all our might,
And I'd look into her eyes.

And see the magic that is like the midnight sun.
-She's the midnight sun

I find myself looking for that last minute serenade,
Even as the crowd has turned away,
It matters not if this is a sinking ship,
Or a bridge that’s burning.

I still have breath,
I still have tears,
I still have dreams.

Slow it down to the final seconds before midnight,
And tilt your head back,
Look up at the stars shooting by,
And know that the possibilities are endless.
-Last minute serenade

I listen to my body cry,
And I feel the strain of each step,
It's a race down a hill,
Its how fast you can go down from the top.

A world where the reverse breaks the mind apart.

At the bottom you'll find,
A dream that you forgot,
From the time before you made it big,
Or thought you did.

That dream thats forgotten waiting to be found.
Do you have to fall to see the truth of which your blind?

Forget what you see,
What you have,
And free your mind,
To find.
-The lost dreams we've once had

The light in the dark

In the darkest of dark,
A single ember glows bright,
So much that it can light up an entire face.

In the darkest of the dark, it is appreciated.

In the brightest of light,
A single ember glows out of sight,
So little an effect that it’s not even realized.

In the brightest of light, it goes unnoticed.

The beauty of life is in its contrast,
But how many of us see the true beauty?
Soaked in this bright lights,
Do we even notice the single ember?

Before it dies out.
-The single ember.

In the darkness, a single ember can shine so bright, but in a world full of other lights, that single ember can be unnoticeable, engulfed by the other bright lights. We miss so many things that pass us by, that happen, that glowing ember, which would have meant so much to us if the world was dark, but then for many of us, our world isn’t dark, in fact its very bright, to a person in the darkness, they would feel blinded by everything we have.

Yet to us, this is nothing, it is what is considered usual, and some of us see it as terrible, as darkness, and some take their lives because of it, when a person who lived in darkness would be horrified that someone like us would not want what we have. What is this darkness? What is this light?

The light is the comforts we have, the very chair you sit in as you read this, the computer you use to read this, the music you listen to as it flows out of your speakers as you read this, the fan or the air-conditioning you have, these all brighten our world, so much so that we do not notice them much, we simply take them for what they are, they don’t make us happier, we don’t notice it much, until its gone. Take for instance, a day when the power is cut, do you feel how dark the world becomes? Literally when at night, it does get dark if there aren’t any of these, from the light, to the computer to the very joy of music we have.

Think about it, don’t you live in a world that is very bright indeed? In the past, so many of these things did not exist, and that’s where the beauty of life can be appreciated more, for instance, the glowing warmth and light from an open flame in the darkness, it was something that was greatly appreciated by the people back then. And now? Fire can be a flick of a match, lighter or stove, its something we hardly appreciate, engulfed by the bigger “lights”

In the world we live in, a single ember of light doesn’t make much of a difference to us, but then, that subtle beauty, that simplistic part of life is lost to many of us. I remember the times when I just lied there, facing a camp fire, and then turning upwards and looking up at the stars and listening to the music of the night, the insects, the wind against the leaves, and crackle of the fire.

When was the last time you stopped to appreciate such things? We’re rushing around so much that we miss these things, we are often fixated on the brighter “lights” and the embers around us don’t even move us, don’t even contribute to our satisfaction. People who live in dimmer worlds seem to be more satisfied that us, happier than us, because we are so busy chasing the bigger “lights” we missed out on the others.

The truth is, we don’t truly enjoy what we have, because we never really take in fully, we never realize its affect on us. We rarely have true contrasts in life to experience much of life’s beauty, of what we’ve got, unless we’ve lost it.

You don’t need to lose something to appreciate it, but rather perhaps you can experience life in a different way, by taking it in on a different level, to see the world in another point of view.

Try this one day, take a day away from the rush of life, you’ve got to let go of everything on your mind, switch off that phone, no due work or commitments. Head to a place where there is amazing views, where you can eat and chill, a place which you’ve never been before, walk through the place, close your eyes and listen to the sounds of the place, take it all in, then cover your ears and look at the world around you, and remember each piece of it, take it all in, and see the world in a way you don’t normally see it.

And when the time comes for lunch or dinner, take each moment to take in the smell, let it fill your mind before you eat it, and mind you, eat it slowly so that you’ll enjoy its taste more. It’s like enjoying the rain, where you can’t truly enjoy it till you take your time enjoy each sensation. You’ve got to close your eyes so you can hear the patter of the rain more, cover your ears and you’ll hear the sound of it pattering on your head, and breathe deep so you can smell the rain. At the end of the day, sit down and watch the world again, listen and see the world again, take that moment to enjoy it and remember it.

So when was the last time you appreciated that single ember? Turn of the “lights” and appreciate that ember in a way like you’ve never before.


I close my eyes so I can listen,
I cover my ears so I can see,
If but for a moment remember each part.

To savor the taste of life, of its finest wines.

Reach into the crowd,
Take in each smell,
Feel the warmth of her hand.

And watch her lead you so.

Watching her as her dress flows,
As the light catches against her face,
As her scent intoxicates.

And realize how much she truly glows.
-A day outside

V for V

We are the opposites of each other,
Yet without the other neither would exist,
We can be defined as good and bad,
Yet one can create the other,
We are the twins of the same mother,
Yet she treats us differently,
We're often spoken of by many,
Yet so few truly embrace us.

Do you embrace us?
Do you shun us?
Do you accept us?
Are we good or bad?
Are you one or both?
-Vice for Virtue, Virtue for Vice

“In a world where the first person to welcome him and become his friend he made an enemy of. It was a time when he was all alone in a place, and he knew no one, and someone reached for and offered his hand and welcome.

And when it all came down to it, the first person he betrayed was the one who wanted to be his friend before anyone else and wanted nothing more than to be his friend.”

I think the world has such wonderful things and bad things at the same time. Things you ask? It’s such a generic word, but don’t you think that sometimes it best to just to describe as a thing when we find it hard to use a word, thing is just there to use. Friendship is a wonderful thing isn’t it? Betrayal is a bad thing right? But the bad thing could not come about without the wonderful thing.

It makes you wonder, does a wonderful thing bring out about a bad thing, or a bad thing brings out a wonderful thing? In a world where there is a tyrant, who committed genocide, where many suffered horrors, in this world where many bad things happen. But then, there are people who do what they can to protect and save those from the bad things, and thus it is a wonderful thing that they do the love and compassion and caring for mankind, for people for those who suffered.

This is where a bad thing brings about a wonderful thing. In case you’re wondering, I’m referring to the holocaust where there were people who did wonderful things to save those who did bad things.

In this world, there are many bad things, and there are wonderful things. But must each create the other? How do we prevent the bad and let in only the good? But then, should we even attempt it? Is bad really bad? What if bad was good? How could we tell?

In nature, death which we often see as a bad thing can bring out life, like a raging fire that destroys a forest and new life springs up from the enriching process of the forest fire. So is this a case of point of view?

Is there no real good or bad? Or what goes with our values? Our alignment? Wouldn’t your alignment affect how you view it? It’s hard to truly define it, but you could say it could be defined by one’s beliefs and values which vary from person to person. It would probably take three articles length of writing if I tried to define the surface value of beliefs and values that affect one’s alignment. Of course, I limit myself to a thousand plus words an article in case anyone ever wondered. But I’ll give it a try.

In order to make this explanation easier, I will use the term good and bad loosely throughout as it would take too much time define each situation, the depiction good and bad is according to my view. Alignment is a moral and ethical perspective along with the religious beliefs of a person. To say that one’s alignment can be simply define by a person’s religion, one would be wrong, because different people from the same religion have different alignments still. You could have what we will define as evil in a religion and what we define as good in the same religion. A man can commit murder in the name of religion, and a man could renounce murder in the name of the religion and yet both believe they do right by their religion because of there morals and ethical perspective is brought into it. A man without religious beliefs however, could be defined by their morals and ethics.

But then this is an assumption where everything else remains constant and the alignment of the person remains the same, the person’s alignment might change in their life, due to events that change them and their strength and resolve can result in the changes or momentary changes of alignment. Where a person who was against murder, for that moment felt that murder was necessary or justified and committed it, or even an alignment can be very wide range, where people change their alignment according to situations, because their morals and ethics and compounded by each other.

An example would be one who is against violence is still more likely to use violence against an adult than a child because they think its wrong to harm a child, or in another case the person is more likely to harm the child because the adult more likely to hurt them in return. This reflects a person with the same value, but two different outcomes, which brings us to the variation of one’s alignment according to situation.

Another example is when people lose their alignment temporarily, is when good people are caught up in a crowd and end up doing something they normally wouldn’t do that’s bad to them, but because their part of the crowd, they end up doing it.

Other examples would be the seven sins that affect a person’s alignment and judgment.
Such as pride, fear, rage, jealousy, greed, lust and laziness.

For me, the sins that affect me the most is: Pride, rage and greed. These are my sins.


I covet power,
For I am greed of Avarice.

I am unrelenting,
For I am pride of Superbia.

I’ll dispense justice,
For I am wrath of Ira.
-The sins of a man

Fate’s destiny

I hear no sound accept her heart that pounds,
In life’s path that’s unknown,
I feel that my energy’s blown,
But I keep going.

Because of that smile.

There isn’t much of a moment,
Where you’d find a true peace of mind,
You’re your fate’s scribe,
And you’re given set words to choose.

But you still have a choice none the less.

Each time she looks at me,
With those eyes,
And that brightest smile,
I’m reminded of peace I’d never know.

Until I let go.
-The brightest smile

Fate’s a force that we can’t stop, but we can change its course. We’ve all got our fates, but what we decide will shape our fate.

Imagine fate as this energy force that moves in a direction and doesn’t stop, the perception of its pace can be slowed down though, it’s the perception of time, which can go fast when your enjoying yourself, and go slow when your suffering, it’s a force that never stops, and constantly gives you set choices, and that’s where we make our decision on the choice we take.

We’re like scribes to our own fate, the author of it, an author who is limited by fate, yet he can still change its course greatly even with the limitations. Our choices that we make, can reduce our options or increase our options, of course its still limited as we can only do so much at one time, even with infinite resources, we ourselves are not infinite. And that’s the whole beauty of it, because of our limits, our choices are so precious, and thus what we choose really makes it more valuable.

Some people’s fate is harder to change, the force that drives that fate requires much more choices and sometimes harder choices and sacrifices to change its path. To me, destiny is a point along where your fate has traveled, and thus when your reach any point, it’s your destiny. Thus our destiny is still shaped by us, and when you think about the things we do, the people we meet, it’s often shaped by choices we take from the choices given to us.

For example, the friends you know, it is still limited to where you go, who you meet, but you still make the choices on whom you spend your time with, thus your friends are by choice. Some choices are more indirect than others, an example would be when you go a certain class assigned to you by school, it seems like you’ve not been given a choice on which class you go to, who are your classmates will be, but then if you look further, if you did not choose the course you wanted in school, you would not have gone to the classes related to that course.

So in truth, we shape our fate, and determine our destiny directly or indirectly with the choices given to us. For me, I look back at my choices offered to me, and I can understand that the people I meet, the friends I made, the lovers I’ve had, the exchanges I’ve had, the conversations, all of them, I had influenced the choices, and I appreciate the choices I’ve had and the experiences and memories that have come from it, as to me they are precious.

Someone else living my life, may not have had the same path as me, even if they started with the same fate. Fate is like a tree that branches out, it’s interconnected to other branches, and each choice we make branches out into another and another, but of course, some choices can still lead back to the same point, and some make it impossible to reach another point. Think of your choices like parallel worlds, where imagine someone who is you in a parallel making another choice, thus they move of to another path different from yours, it may lead to the same point again or may never cross, it all depends, that’s where the force of fate can be influenced to a certain extent. The only thing we can’t do is go back to another point of our fate and make a new choice, because those choices were already made and fate only moves forward, we can’t go back in time.

The fate we’re given in the start is perhaps the only thing we have no control over, but we shape it after we’re given it. There are things that are not within our ability to shape such as whom our parents are, and older family members are. At the end of the day, we still shouldn’t gripe about what we’re given because we still make choices that shape the path of our fate, whether we succeed, whether we fail, whether we meet the people who will mean a lot to us is still shaped by us, so we shouldn’t gripe about the unchangeable, and start focusing on the changeable with the knowledge that we have the power to shape our destiny.

A quote I love to repeat from the game Baldur’s gate two which is spoken by the villain Jon Irenicus, “Life is strength, you live you affect your world.” So apt, because the life we have gives us the power to shape our world, it allows us to shape our fate, our destiny and every choice is choice, even inaction is still a choice that decides our fate.

That’s why never think that life is out of your control, if you don’t choose, you will never have control, you will never have a chance, you will never use your strength, which you have right now, and you never know how much you have until you choose, what do you want your fate to be? What destiny do you want to achieve? Are you giving yourself a chance?

I remember a story once told to me,
It was over a bottle of red wine,
Atop the hood of her parked car,
Under the starlit sky so bright,
A moment I’d hold on with all my might,
It was just her voice and the night sky.
-Under this night sky

A game of you

Hold your breath,
Look into my eyes,
And see me smile to one side,
Do you have an apocalyptic wish?

Stand at the very edge of sanity.

Feel the beat from the drums of doom,
The doomsday clock is ticking,
With five minutes to midnight,
You hear yourself breathing so deep.

Grip on tight to my hand as the moments pass.

In the final moments of the tick tock,
I’ll be there to give that added surge,
As I pull you forward,
And let you pass towards the final barrier.

Smash it.
-From this moment on to the end.

What if life was like a series of chess games and the most successful in life are those with the highest rating.

In the world, we are but pieces in a chess game, and each piece plays its own individual chess games with the moves dealt to them.

In chess, the goal of the game is to checkmate the king. Thus in real life, we have to set our goals clearly in order to know what we are working towards and how we can use the resources given to us to achieve it. Also the more one analyzes a move and how it can lead to an advantage or disadvantage, and with experience gained from each analysis, one can become faster at analyzing, as some games have a time limit to think, we may not have the luxury of time on our side to think. Thus, if time was a factor for being unable to think during the game, then post game analysis can help one to see one’s mistakes or right moves. Post game analysis of one’s life would be reflection.

With the games of chess we encounter in life, where our decisions are different stages affect the outcome greatly. From opening, middle game and end game.

In the opening or preparation, our very first actions are crucial in that they can decide whether we lose out the possible advantages, or gain the possible advantages and minimize the risk we put ourselves in. Of course, sometimes the biggest risk can also have the biggest gain, but in life, the opening is usually the most dangerous time to take risks. For example, when we first start a project, the planning and organizing is the opening, and when we plan poorly, we lose the potential that we had, same with good planning can increase the potential gained.

In the middle game, where everything has fallen into place, this is when the main fight begins. Where the exchange of pieces, whether a defense or attack are decisions made that can leave a person in a critical situation where they may be doomed or in the sure-win scenario. Because resources are always limited, how one chooses to use his resource during this part will decide a lot. Continuing with the example of a project, since a project would have a due date, the limited resource would be the amount of time has and manpower and money.

How one exchanges the time, manpower and money to achieve the goals of project is key, if one does not do it well, time will be wasted and the goal of the project may not be achieved by the due date, and thus failure.

Finally the endgame, this is often greatly decided by how well was one’s preparation and actions during the middle game which then place one in the state one is currently in during the endgame. In the endgame, the outcome is almost very clear, but is not yet final, this is when a person is tested most. Because even if one has a clear disadvantage or advantage, one hasn’t reached the checkmate yet, thus each decision in the final moves can decide a lot of things.

In an endgame, sometimes one has a chance to recover and sometimes no chance to recover, but rather prolong the end or even unable end the game, thus knowing when to concede the game or draw the game is important, lest one wastes further time invested in the game.

When one has a chance to recover, if the goal that was set earlier is very important to the person, one should do one’s best to persevere, that way, even in the face of doom and failure, and one can still have a chance to turn the tide, or at least finish it knowing one never gave up.

Unfortunately, not all games we play are fair, some start with obvious advantage or disadvantage towards us, and its up to us either equalize or turn it to our favour or simply dominate the game. That’s why some games are just doomed failures from the start, but if we were strong, sometimes, the opponent which could be different factors in life or people could falter and make mistakes, turning the impossible into possible.

That’s why, sometimes, when you give up, you truly lose, and if you don’t give up, there is always a chance no matter how small it is. Remember, that small is infinitely more than nothing. When you give up, you lose and you have no chance.

That’s why, with all the choices in life fate has dealt to us, we can’t give in to hopelessness even if it may be bleak. The strongest persevere and keep on going, reducing the possible mistakes, and increasing the advantages and putting oneself in a better position to equalize the game and eventually have the superior position.

If you keep on winning the chess games in life, you can achieve a better “rating” And become more successful in life. Being consistent and learning from each game through analysis and reflection, will allow you to become a better player in life.

When the moment seems tough,
With the pressure on your shoulders,
And you feel like your will is just about to break,
Remember that your choices are for you to make.

Each chance needs one to hold on tight.

Even when it seems unreachable,
Where you stretch towards the untouchable,
And with every inch you fought so hard for,
It just might move towards you.

So fight hard with all your might,
Cause I’m right behind you.
-Unbreakable

Five minutes for redemption

In the center of a room,
Is a lady in the palest white,
From dress to body,
Except her blood red lips.

Her angled expressions like that of precarious geometry,
Her eyes blink slowly as her lips open slowly,
Every part of her movement dissolves into the surrounding,
Moving,
Yet not moving.

In my right hand is my blade,
Dripping with the blood of innocents,
Of the souls I’ve sundered,
Hopes and dreams I’ve plundered.

I lift my head and think about the moment when I swung,
And cut the heart,
Like a coup de grace,
I fall to my knees,
Into her arms,
Her tears of black flow down her dress,
Lines of black all over,
I feel myself lost within.

Drowning in my crucified sanity,
The thirteen within pull me in all directions,
I find myself counting down five minutes to midnight,
Where the gates of damnation call,
Five minutes for redemption.
-Five minutes for redemption

In a world where there is a doomsday clock, where the minutes to midnight change constantly, it’s impossible to truly tell when the clock might strike twelve. Why do we concentrate on a doomsday clock, when we forget the more immediate problem, our own clock, the minutes to our end.

Consider this, we all have our own life clock which countdowns to the moment we meet our end. It’s a counter that we can never see, never know and it also means that we have limited time. Life is not infinite, thus the pursuit of immortality is something that people fantasize about so much, some even spends fortunes to try and find it, but then they forget what they can do with the time they have and they can make a difference in this world.

This is a quote I’ve used many times, “Life is strength, we live and we affect our world.” Our very lives give us power, power to affect our world, with our actions, with the translation of our thoughts into various mediums and machinations that affect those around us and to a certain extent the world. With that limited time we have, our strength is limited, but how we channel our strength, harness that “potential”, our influence over the world, is the biggest question.

For me, I am someone who wants to affect lives on both a large scale where many would benefit, and also to affect those who matter most to me on a profound level where my “strength” matters most. The very knowledge and fact that I have limited strength, makes me want to not waste my strength, my potential.

Our potential can be increased and amplified by how much we prepare ourselves and equip ourselves and work towards achieving the goals we set. Imagine our lives in the form of a multilevel shelf.

The shelf can be filled with any kind of book, but the shelf has a limited space, and when the shelf is full, one has no more time to fill that shelf. When we are first come into existence, in the safety of our mother’s womb, our shelf is empty; devoid is knowledge of the outside world, with no relationships and only the experiences we get from within the womb. And when we come into this world, we are exposed to various things that our family and relatives teach us, and our shelf starts to fill up with the languages they teach us, that we hear, objects we see, touch, taste and smell.

Our initial world till adolescence is controlled by teachers and parents on subjects that we learn and as we get older, we are given more responsibility to choose what we experience. From the relationships we make, the subjects we take, books we read, lessons we participate and observe, skills that we pursue, activities that we do, they begin to fill up our shelf.

With the choices given to us, we can choose to fill our shelves to the brim, until we have no time to fill it up anymore, due to it being too filled up, or we can choose to take our time to find the better “books” and spend more time to know each book we place in our shelf.

If we were to fill up our shelf to the brim, during the times when we need to find a certain book, we may have trouble finding it as there are too many things in that shelf. In real life, it would be that your so involved in different things, you have trouble figuring out which is more important or not being able to understand something due to the lack of time spent reading that “book”

Also, if our shelves are too full, we are unable to find time to look for new books and put better books on the shelf. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t try too many different things. The first book you pickup may not be the best for you, nor will the fifteenth or hundredth. Its ok to try different things, but what you put on the shelf must be something that is worth one’s time, and that person would gain more out of that book in terms of experiences, memories and lessons learnt.

If you spent your time looking at each book carefully, before putting them on the shelf, you would prevent books that aren’t useful, or good for you from being on your shelf. Of course, you can’t be too sure, until enough time is spent, thus if after the initial “browsing” one can put in the shelf, but should make sure that spend the time to return to that book to read it. Neglecting your books would cause it to be covered with dust, and some books don’t handle well to neglect, they may whither, break apart or even gets stolen.

To give you a better outlook of the shelf, the kind of books will broken down into these categories:

Relationships
Skills
Wisdom
Fitness/Health

The first point of relationships covers family, friends, lovers and partners. By filling your shelf with the right people and spending time with them, and understanding them, will allow you in times of need or help to lend a helping hand or give your advice or support.

The second point of skills is the subjects you will learn, from mathematics to science, marital arts to cooking. These various skills in life allow us to achieve tasks in the world, and help us affect our world according to the proficiency we have learnt these skills.

The third point of wisdom is what we come learn from all the relationships, skills and experiences in life we have. What we learn in terms of how to handle people, concepts that can be learnt from the skill or in learning the skill help us to understand the way the world works, how we can be more effective at something, or where best to apply these skills in a manner that avoids negative outcomes such as failures or negative reactions from the world.

The fourth is Fitness/Health, this isn’t actually a book, but rather your maintenance of your actual shelf. Imagine your shelf getting attacked by termites, cooked in the sun and drenched in the rain day in day out, won’t it just fall apart? Along with all the books inside.

Fitness and health doesn’t just purely talk about health, although it’s a main part of this concept. In order to have the ability to find the books that you can choose from and put on your shelf, you need a certain level of health or fitness to attain them, and if you were in poor health, it would be difficult to maintain these books or even find new books.

That’s why, the time we spend taking care of our shelf, through exercise, healthy diet, ample rest etc. Will determine how well we maintain our shelf, the books and how much we can learn from these books and attain new books.

With these books, we must make a choice, due to the limited shelf space and time we have to spend reading/living.

Maintain the library of your life well, do housekeeping, remove books that may not be useful, but don’t throw them away, perhaps just placing them in a box and picking it up once in a while does no harm. Don’t let it get cluttered with so many different things, and when the time comes when you need or want a book, you can’t find a good book among that junk, because you don’t know the books on your shelf very well, and many would be poorly maintained.

It boils down to another overused quote of, “Quantity over Quality” This is a choice you must make. I am not saying you should only have a few books on your shelf, in fact you can have many, but you’ve got to make sure they are well maintained and enough time has been spent on them, in order for them not to be useless or poorly maintained books.

By having good knowledge and understanding of your shelf and the books within them, you are better equipped in handling the world before you and achieving your goals and of course the pursuit of using your full potential. With our clock counting down, would you fill your shelf to the brim? Or fill it with something that makes a bigger difference? “Quantity or Quality?”

Like a summer of a thousand lonely smiles,
Without an end in sight,
When the moment seems so bleak,
Across this room of broken glass,
Turn away and don’t look back.

Take my hand.

I’ll show you a light that engulfs the darkness,
Where we become dreamers,
Among the sands of dream,
Shaded by these trees,
Where there is no need to try,
Because we just want to live.

For in life we can’t ask for more,
But the gift of life’s journey.
-Never giving up

Beyond the twenty


As the air begins to thin,
I find myself breathing harder,
The light gets blocked by the clouds of mediocre,
It’s getting hard to think about the future.

A droplet falls downwards in this endless drop.

Where will it be in the day after tomorrow?
I can only tell you what’s happening to it today,
I can tell you what happened to it before,
But I can’t tell you when you are gone.

All I can do is reach upwards,
And sing the song,
With you as long as your close to me,
Knowing that it will end,

Searching for that moment secretly,
That moment when you are gone.
-That moment

“Have you heard how in falling we are given wings?” This was a letter written to me a long time ago. When I look back at part of my past that I could not bear to look at out of guilt, I realized how much I’ve held onto for the longest time, and tried to ignore.

It was many years ago, when that letter was written to me, and the person who wrote it to me, had so much more feeling and meaningful words than ever spoken to me than when I knew person for an entire year. At the time I got the letter, I had hardened my heart and chose not to look back, and thus the letter did not get through, but years later, after looking at it I do realize how much that person felt, even more strongly than I understood many years ago.

And this is the moment I realize that some time after passing twenty, I had grown emotionally to an extent that I never realized, I look back at myself and understand why I did those things, but I neither condemn nor condone it, it was a learning experience and a memory to keep for life. And my stage of life, it is time not to pretend or to be ignorant to the truth.

The poem that I wrote with a close friend of mine regarding some of these pent up feelings was titled contemplation of condemnation. It contains a reflection of myself written four years ago.



Amoung the clouds of golden rain upon shadow and pain,
contemplation of the insane,
pondering about the place of dust and rust,
and of hearts I've sundered, hopes and dream I've plundered.

Deny the indifference stilled by grief,
restrain, unbecoming, a voiceless faceless fear,
measured so modestly, and lithe,
the dearth of a virtue so severe.

Each action driven by desire,
although an innocent love,
yet a consequence of lust,
rise into decadence and fallen into silence.

I rise as conscience wills only to serve,
the truth of my guilt is lie,
vainity is the temperament of worth,
as strife holds a grace fated to die.

Dreams of gold and words untold,
of tears that were shed and hearts that have been bled,
uncrossed paths and broken hearts,
desire a condition, control a mere reminisince.

In a past that could be,
of a man you could be,
have you no remorse, no feeling?
am I thus hateful, so steeped in ambiguity?

Tis a shade of grey.
Nay, a conflict of white and black.
perhaps to wish for nothing more, that is all I ask.
Yet so much more, I hunger and desire for.
All I pray if you may is to hold you at bay.
for I am naught, the sorrow of the end.
-Contemplation of condemnation

I understand the poem written long ago even more, how much guilt I had in myself, that I keep within myself until now. Do I have regrets? No I don’t, its part of my experiences and memories that live to make me who I am now, if I did not experience what I experienced I may not be the person who I am now.

To be honest, every time I’ve run into the person who wrote me this letter my heart burns deep, and I begin to panic, though I never truly show it. I just continue smiling and pretend nothing was happening, even when we locked eyes for a moment. I always thought it was some unexplainable fear that I had, which I rarely felt except in extreme situations where I have no control of. But it wasn’t fear, it was guilt, deep burning guilt that struck me hard every time I was near that person.

After so many years, I’ve yet to actually to make amends for what happened. It wasn’t because of cheating or betrayal, but it was guilt over making someone so hurt and not parting on the best terms. I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting and feel that its about time to apologize, no matter how much time has been spent apart. I believe making the point to make amends to rebuild a bridge that was once burnt will make a difference even if it fails, because at the end of the day, at least the other person knows that I am sorry by trying to make amends.


The only question is, how do you fix something that has been left for years? Of course there is a hope that the person is more receptive to such an apology or attempt to make amends and have long gotten over it. I can only hope that the person can see I’ve changed and that I truly want to make amends and nothing else, I wish to end the animosity and hurt that the person may feel towards me, if they still have it.

I remember the verve of the moment,
Of the times I’ve spent reflecting its end,
And realized that it was a piece left uncompleted,
It was a duet that I failed to finish properly,
Leaving my partner in tears,
That has long since dried up.

I’ve contemplated my condemnation.

Choices in life we make,
To leave things behind,
But at the end of the day,
A responsibility,
Something left owed,
Something to be repaid,
Not an empty portrait,
But rather a memory to remember.
-Dried tears.