Mark of the infinity

I bear the mark of infinity on my hand,
Standing with my arms thrown back,
And looking over the shadows,
I take a deep breath before,
The deepest darkest plunge.

Many a moment flashes past.

A broken stick is left in my hand,
It’s been there for so long,
I almost forgot what it was,
When it was whole.

Where does the moment meet and end?
-Making the infinite plunge

Much has happened in the time since I’ve written. I’ve started an web photo blog, which has far less writing and lots of pictures, that sort of documents much of what I do. But at the end of the day, I find that writing is still what I prefer more. Over there I do feel the constriction and desire to write, but I know that the blog wasn’t meant for such a thing.

I know when I write here, I write for myself, no one else, otherwise I would not write so long. That other blog feels like its more for others rather than myself, sure it is fun, but it doesn’t have the feel of me actually writing my thoughts on it.

Over the month, I’ve experienced new things, had a lot of fun, suffered a betrayal and made new friends whom for the first in long time have given me the vibe of being long term friends. Most friends are those who get forgotten over time, but I feel that the bond between the current guys I’ve met in Republic Canoe (Sprint Kayak) those special few, are truly closer than what I remembered in army.

Much of what I’ve gone through has made me somewhat different from the last month. It allows me to see a bonding that creates a clear gap in my closeness between my classmates and me. The closeness is no where as near there compared to Canoe. Despite seeing these people everyday, I realize that much of the way they are still keeps me apart from them. Canoe has quite a large number of older guys who are quite mature, which makes me feel more comfortable.

I cannot deny that I feel old in school, being the eldest in class, and seeing how people act and react to situations puts me off somewhat. There is a generation gap there, which has prevented me from showing my true self in class, which I find that few will ever see. I know that when I am in school, in class and in training, I am dead serious, and I don’t want to be distracted in either. When its time to work, it should be done and done well, and when its time to train its when full focus comes into play, I truly love the feeling of pumping up yourself to work hard with your team mates, something I’ve not had in many years.
My paradigm has shifted slightly, which gives me more perspective and comparison to a lot of things, and I find that I enjoy school a lot, despite having some gap between me and classmates, we work well that’s for sure, but there are just certain things I can’t identify with at all, fortunately everything is mutually fine, it would be considered positive acquaintances.

What else has changed? I am for one single after the longest time. Something I’ve not been in such a long time. It feels funny to actually say that word. I actually counted the days I was single when it first happened. I guess I’ve been given a freedom that I never really desired or thought of much. I’m so used to just living my life and improving myself. So many of my close friends said it’s good to take time off to be single, to discover more about myself and mature emotionally.

They said, despite being more matured when it comes to making most decisions, I hadn’t matured much emotionally as I had been in a relationship for so long. I guess it’s a lot to think about and contemplate, but I know that when I make a choice, I stick to it and take time to reflect about my life, which gives me perspective and drive to achieve whats important to me. To list out the important things, aside from family obligations and health and close friends, it would be school and training. These are the most important aspects of my life that I will bring along with me throughout my life. My grades will affect where I go and how much I will study whilst my training will give me the fitness and strength I have long to come and respect as it takes dedication to achieve, which is something I hold dear to myself.

Speaking about training, I’m a little confused by this little machine in the school gym that is supposed to check your body fat percentage. Every time I use it, my fat percentage seems to drop. The numbers went from 9.5% to 7.6% to 6.4% to the latest of 5.6%. This was on the setting of normal, and then on the athletic, it reflected 10.5% currently, so I assume my body fat was 10.5% which is the lowest I’ve ever had in my life, because previously when I was lighter and running a lot my fat percentage was so much higher, 18%? To be honest, I think the machine is not working properly.

All this training probably has had much of an effect on me. As of today, I’ve had 4 days of training straight this week. 3 gym sessions and 1 water training, tomorrow’s a day to celebrate a canoe mate’s birthday, while the next day will be water training, and I’d fit in a run if I had the time. Not only that I will be training in the gym on Sunday. That’s working out 6 days a week. I must say its time to take a break tomorrow, as the next break will be quite a while away, with tons more of training to go.

When I hear the bells ringing,
I remember the moment when I leaned over,
And you smiled as I rested my head on your shoulder,
Bring me back to the time.

The time when you were young.

When in the sun shine as stretched across the field,
Where you’d turn towards me and look,
And I could see it,
That lovely smile of yours.
-The juicy zest of life.

Where there is a reason,
To stare into the infinity,
You'd understand why I sin,
With the choices I'm given,
Living proof of what I uphold,
I am the one who bears the mark,
The mark of who I am.
-Mark of Infinity