Mark of the infinity

I bear the mark of infinity on my hand,
Standing with my arms thrown back,
And looking over the shadows,
I take a deep breath before,
The deepest darkest plunge.

Many a moment flashes past.

A broken stick is left in my hand,
It’s been there for so long,
I almost forgot what it was,
When it was whole.

Where does the moment meet and end?
-Making the infinite plunge

Much has happened in the time since I’ve written. I’ve started an web photo blog, which has far less writing and lots of pictures, that sort of documents much of what I do. But at the end of the day, I find that writing is still what I prefer more. Over there I do feel the constriction and desire to write, but I know that the blog wasn’t meant for such a thing.

I know when I write here, I write for myself, no one else, otherwise I would not write so long. That other blog feels like its more for others rather than myself, sure it is fun, but it doesn’t have the feel of me actually writing my thoughts on it.

Over the month, I’ve experienced new things, had a lot of fun, suffered a betrayal and made new friends whom for the first in long time have given me the vibe of being long term friends. Most friends are those who get forgotten over time, but I feel that the bond between the current guys I’ve met in Republic Canoe (Sprint Kayak) those special few, are truly closer than what I remembered in army.

Much of what I’ve gone through has made me somewhat different from the last month. It allows me to see a bonding that creates a clear gap in my closeness between my classmates and me. The closeness is no where as near there compared to Canoe. Despite seeing these people everyday, I realize that much of the way they are still keeps me apart from them. Canoe has quite a large number of older guys who are quite mature, which makes me feel more comfortable.

I cannot deny that I feel old in school, being the eldest in class, and seeing how people act and react to situations puts me off somewhat. There is a generation gap there, which has prevented me from showing my true self in class, which I find that few will ever see. I know that when I am in school, in class and in training, I am dead serious, and I don’t want to be distracted in either. When its time to work, it should be done and done well, and when its time to train its when full focus comes into play, I truly love the feeling of pumping up yourself to work hard with your team mates, something I’ve not had in many years.
My paradigm has shifted slightly, which gives me more perspective and comparison to a lot of things, and I find that I enjoy school a lot, despite having some gap between me and classmates, we work well that’s for sure, but there are just certain things I can’t identify with at all, fortunately everything is mutually fine, it would be considered positive acquaintances.

What else has changed? I am for one single after the longest time. Something I’ve not been in such a long time. It feels funny to actually say that word. I actually counted the days I was single when it first happened. I guess I’ve been given a freedom that I never really desired or thought of much. I’m so used to just living my life and improving myself. So many of my close friends said it’s good to take time off to be single, to discover more about myself and mature emotionally.

They said, despite being more matured when it comes to making most decisions, I hadn’t matured much emotionally as I had been in a relationship for so long. I guess it’s a lot to think about and contemplate, but I know that when I make a choice, I stick to it and take time to reflect about my life, which gives me perspective and drive to achieve whats important to me. To list out the important things, aside from family obligations and health and close friends, it would be school and training. These are the most important aspects of my life that I will bring along with me throughout my life. My grades will affect where I go and how much I will study whilst my training will give me the fitness and strength I have long to come and respect as it takes dedication to achieve, which is something I hold dear to myself.

Speaking about training, I’m a little confused by this little machine in the school gym that is supposed to check your body fat percentage. Every time I use it, my fat percentage seems to drop. The numbers went from 9.5% to 7.6% to 6.4% to the latest of 5.6%. This was on the setting of normal, and then on the athletic, it reflected 10.5% currently, so I assume my body fat was 10.5% which is the lowest I’ve ever had in my life, because previously when I was lighter and running a lot my fat percentage was so much higher, 18%? To be honest, I think the machine is not working properly.

All this training probably has had much of an effect on me. As of today, I’ve had 4 days of training straight this week. 3 gym sessions and 1 water training, tomorrow’s a day to celebrate a canoe mate’s birthday, while the next day will be water training, and I’d fit in a run if I had the time. Not only that I will be training in the gym on Sunday. That’s working out 6 days a week. I must say its time to take a break tomorrow, as the next break will be quite a while away, with tons more of training to go.

When I hear the bells ringing,
I remember the moment when I leaned over,
And you smiled as I rested my head on your shoulder,
Bring me back to the time.

The time when you were young.

When in the sun shine as stretched across the field,
Where you’d turn towards me and look,
And I could see it,
That lovely smile of yours.
-The juicy zest of life.

Where there is a reason,
To stare into the infinity,
You'd understand why I sin,
With the choices I'm given,
Living proof of what I uphold,
I am the one who bears the mark,
The mark of who I am.
-Mark of Infinity

Crimson autumn

The ray of light shines across the floor,
I take your soft hand in mine,
One hand in yours,
Another on your waist,
The music starts,
We march to the sway of the beat.

I pull you closer to me, face to face eyes locked.

Dancing across this ocean floor,
Stepping right up to the groove,
Losing ourselves in our stare,
Walking around each other,
Like birds in a mating game,
Step right up to this sweet charade.

Inching closer within breathing distance, so close yet so far.

Turning slowly together on smoothed surface,
Your leg entwines around mine,
You place your hand around my neck,
Leaning so strongly against me with your delicate back,
I tighten my grip and bring you slowly down and back up again,
Lost in the symphony of song and lights.

To end this would almost be a shame, to end this sweet embrace.
-Mating game

Sometimes we feel more emotional than other days, the same show that you’ve seen before may not make you cry the first time round, but when you watch it again, it can sometimes make you tear. One particular episode of smallville can do just that, its season 5’s episode 12, entitled reckoning.

This is my summary of the episode and the parts where I cried: “Clark decides to tell Lana the truth and reveals his true identity and also proposes to her, fast forward into the middle of the episode, Lana gets involved in a car accident and dies, While on the phone with Clark, she tells him Lex is chasing her and she doesn’t see an oncoming bus which ends up hitting her. The whole scene comes to a slow down, where Lex gets out in tears seeing what has happened, and then Clark appears out of super speed, he rushes to the accident and rips the door off the overturned car and touches Lana to find her dead and begins to cry, its at this moment where the scene and music makes me tear, and then the father happens to stop by and rush over to pull Clark away.

Clark chooses to return to the past with the power of his fortress and relives the same day, where he is about to tell Lana the truth, which he decides not to. However, the events of the same day play out in a similar way, where Lana is about to involved in accident again, with Lex chasing her, in both cases Lex kissed her because he was drunk and upset, so it starts the chase, this time Clark prevents the accident, and his father drives by the scene without stopping and sees Lex apologizing to Lana.

The father was on his way to meet Lionel Luthor at their barn, in the previous events, the father would have stopped to go to Clark. This time, instead of Lana dying, the father gets in a fight with Lionel in the barn and this causes him to have a heart attack, and then he proceeds to walk out of the barn, where Clark and his mother were just driving home and they spot him, the last few moments of the father’s life, Lana’s life traded for the father’s, the very same music plays once more where Lana died, and here is where I tear one more time.”

Since I last wrote, the computer has been moved into my room, and the shift makes everything feel so different, it is a lot warmer in my room since the fan is above my bed and not my computer, so I often turn on the air con to cool the room for awhile. Although when I go to sleep, I switch off the air con. I now have two desks to work from, one for my pc and one for my laptop, both use wireless so there is no need for wires, and the best part is there is plenty of space to dine in my own room! Nothing like a nice glass of merlot with a warm meal with the accompaniment of music to chill by.

Right now, it’s a little warm in the afternoon, and the cat is sleeping in the chair behind me. I’ve been busy contemplating on whether to start adding photos to my blog, I’ve never done if before, so I guess I’d give it a try, though I feel it might affect my style a little. To me, I rather not compromise on the writing because of pictures, but I figured I should start taking a lot more pictures.

The main concern is perhaps not writing people’s names in my blog, which has been something I’ve been doing for quite some time. For the mean time, I guess I’ll stick to pictures of objects and places, and not people. For my cat, I guess it will be fine.



So here is a picture of my cat sleeping behind me, for him, I guess I can make an acception for his name, which is Indie which is inspired by Indiana Jones. It’s a long story, best left to my sister to tell, for me in person.

School has been good, I had canoe land training last week, which I must say, was something I had been hoping for a long time. A breakdown of what we did, 400+ pushups (I did 380 Standard proper pushups, there was one set where I had not recovered where I needed to cheat a little.) 100+ crunches, leg lifts and body builders( body builders are a combination of burpies and pushups combined, not that hard) 100 or so jumping jacks( I don’t really consider this at all, its probably just for show…) 35 pull-ups and I assisted a total of 60 reps for other people, half of which were those who were terribly heavy(think obese and they couldn’t even lift less than half their weight) The assisting was harder than doing pull-ups with weights attached! In all, out of forty or so guys who turned up, only seven were still doing the pushups, and half of those still doing were not doing it properly any more.

It felt good to be among the remaining seven, and still going strong, but Its not a fair comparison because I am older, I’ve trained a lot more, and when I mean a lot, I mean extra years of advantage which make a huge difference, even though the day before, I had trained my chest and abs in the gym. When you’ve got an entire group doing the training with you, you feel like you can do more, because you want to do it with them.

I’ve almost forgotten what its like to train with people, I’ve had so much time to train solo, and I would never do that many pushups on my own. I hope to see even tougher training the following week. After the training, I had dinner with the seniors, their quite a fun bunch, and it was easy to relate with them. I look forward to the next training, perhaps at least an additional 100 to which ever amount for each exercise we’re doing? I dream of a 1000 pushups in one session… (That is still a dream, I’ve never done that many before, but to test my endurance to that level would be truly interesting, though muscle sacrificing)

Went to an outside gym with two classmates yesterday to teach them how to train, their quite fun just that one laughs like a crazy woman non-stop, which kind of makes it embarrassing. I find it great that I can still relate to those younger than me and of course enjoy their company. Ah oh yes, the cats awoke and changed his place of rest. The only camera I use now is my current handphone’s camera… too lazy to use any other or charge my old one.

















Next week’s another week, and I’ve got a day and a half to focus myself again to be at my peak and accomplish the goals I’ve set out for myself. And of course, some time to continue my reading of the monk who sold his Ferrari. The week before last, I gave away that book to someone I met in the botanic gardens where I was reading, she had lost her handphone, and was distressed, so I spoke to her for awhile, before we knew it, I gave her my book cause I felt she needed it more than me, then we became friends and exchanged contacts. Last weekend I got a new one at times at Jelita, in each of these instances, I walked to the locations and back, I find it rather nice to walk instead of taking a bus, its not to save money or anything, but you get to see a lot of things you may not have seen if you took a bus.

This finally brings me to the reason why I titled this blog post crimson autumn. There was a moment last weekend when I was walking to the Jelita along sixth avenue where I saw a tree that was quite bare, save for sparse red leaves, next to it was the same type of tree but it was all green and full of life, it was in that moment where that image was forever burnt into mine, and I felt full of emotion and nearly teared right there and then.

In all, I realize that I have been more in touch with my emotions as of late, where I can feel an emotion more deeply or stronger than before, and this can overwhelm me and cause me to cry. I guess I have been able to appreciate things more and feel more emotion than I normally allow myself too.

The tree was bare and it looked so sad, with the red leaves clinging on for dear life, and then at that moment, when the wind blew, the leaves began to fall, and it was like an autumn fall where it began to rain red leaves, leaving the tree completely bare.

A tree along the road,
Crowned in blood red,
The few tears it held,
Tears of blood,
The moment seems to stop.

I stand there in this serenity.

I observe as the dove settles at its feet,
Where another it has come to meet,
Together the pair at this lone beat,
And here I am at this front row seat,
Directly under life’s glaring heat.

There comes a gust.

The crown breaks,
The tears fall,
The pair stirs,
There is nothing left,
I close my eyes as I lose a tear.
-Crimson Autumn

The thin line

Your voice whispering softly,
The words part of a concern,
Reaching over to my shoulder,
Sharing an emotion quite dear.

Listening to your voice as you whisper the words in my ear,

As we clasp each others hand tightly,
We close our eyes and fall to our knees,
Feeling the softness of the ground,
Breathing in the air of green.

Each blade of grass holds a tear, of the world’s cruelty.

In the cool of the morning air,
Where we see what we’ve become,
A moment of peace shared,
One’s thought laid bare.

A true comfort to know,
Knowing we’re not alone in this world.
-Where we stand

As I listen carefully to the crowd around me, a certain voice calls to my attention; I find the moment seems surreal, as I look into the person’s eyes. I find myself drawn into their stare, a moment where minds are shared. Have you ever had such a moment? Where circumstance seem so amazing, you never thought possible, the every surmounting question of the beauty of the mind. Appreciating it in its various forms.

When I see someone with drive, it makes me think so much about myself, and they are people whom I admire a lot, those who are focused, which makes me want to focus even harder, because there are people you want to succeed with, to achieve your dreams with, to make it happen. Life’s like a constant struggle with ourselves, to find what drives us, what makes us get up everyday and say, let’s do this, lets get the best possible result.

Every morning I wake up, thinking that its time to get that A again, and this time and even better victory than before, surpassing what I did before. When I am in it, when my mind focuses, it’s like a hurricane inside my mind, where everything just spins around at such a fast speed, and the little superman inside my head just picks out the necessary information and puts it out.

In that moment where everything is being thought, if you were look into my eyes, and could see what I see, you’d see the aspect of my drive, what makes me keep going, what makes me want what I want. And that allows me to accomplish what I came to do.

Looking at someone I got to know most recently, I found that she’s someone who has a drive far better than I had when I was her age, her mental focus is something that I truly am in awe of, she can smile even in hardship, and can handle almost anything thrown at her, not to mention, her strong desire to succeed, to accomplish in anything she does, in some aspects, I can see in her the reason why I came to RP, I am here to succeed. Whenever I see her smile, I can’t help but smile too, cause she’s the type of person who can brighten up the whole room with her smile, and I’d say if I got the chance to work with her in class, I would be extremely motivated, and even without the chance, the way she is already motivates me to do even better, I feel that in terms of conviction I have for my work, it just went from super high, to a magnitude beyond it.

I can remember the times in my life, I felt like quitting, when I just wanted to break down and cry, give up and just go do something else, but by not giving up, I always learnt something out of it. Whenever I gave up on something, I found that I never really learnt anything by giving up. At my age, I realize even more than I have no time to fail, or to even give up on anything, because what I’ve got in my life is a blessing, and that I have been fortunate for such circumstances.

Furthermore, all the times I had to push myself, to bring myself to the next level have made me a stronger person, all the experiences in my life aid me in my daily work, which I am truly grateful for. Like I’ve said so many times before, I have no regrets for what I have done in my life, for every bit of it makes me what I am today, from my mannerism, to my way of thinking. Without my experiences I would be a different person, and so many things would be different. It makes me glad that there is no whatifs when it comes to the people in my life, for example, “what if I continued Uni? What if I went elsewhere?” Everyone I’ve gotten to know through the course of my actions would be gone, and I would not want that, because these people make a difference in my life, and I learn so much from them.

I wonder what my life would be like if they weren’t in it? To me it would be a tremendous loss, without them, so much of what I appreciate, the precious moments shared, the thoughts conveyed and smiles exchanged, without these people so much would be lost.

Especially the people, who give me my drive, inspire me to become even better. And not to mention make school more fun, and a place I enjoy spending my time at, without them, it would not be as fun, school wouldn’t be school without these people. These people who are the driving force behind what I am, they are the ones I should thank, the ones I should appreciate, because without them, I’d have missed out on so much.

Falling into the moment where the rhythm breaks,
I find myself counting down to the sequence,
Reaching out to cover the void between,
I pull you closer to me.

Look into my eyes, as I look into yours.

The rush of thoughts behind our eyes,
Like a torrent of emotions,
Pulling you towards me,
I lean forward to connect.

A true of sense of reality,
Like a telepathy,
Of the moment shared.
-Sharing of a precious moment

Reaching for the glass of life

Our choices are worth gold,
In order to rise, one must be bold,
Where our fears have no hold,
Of what has been told.

Stand up and make the decision.

Because situations always change,
So we must listen carefully,
Or else we may miss the symphony,
This is the music of our life.

Don’t break the tune.
-Tune of life.


When I look at what I’ve written in the past, I realize the pages stretch beyond something so vast, even my patience to read would be tested to read it all, which reflects on how much time I’ve actually spent writing these articles. My total blogs stretch to the number of four, one I’ve retired, two which are private, and this one, my public one. In total I’ve written about 71 posts including this one. Each of the articles on this one is at least a thousand words long or longer, and thinking back, I wrote nearly as long or longer for each article in my other blogs, starting with my very first entry on the 12th of May 2004, entitled Heart of dreaming. This is the very first poem that I posted on a blog.

A crack of a knuckle,
The sea breeze blowing against my face,
I look across the vast blue ocean,
I behold a vision,
A dream of dreams,
I would weave the tapestry of my life,
Creating my own destiny,
Despite living in a world that is unjust,
Where its hard for us to trust,
Where we are borne of lust,
We turned to rust,
And then to dust.

The poem holds no title, because back then I never titled the poems in the blogs, it was later on in my blogging that I added the titles. The very last poem I wrote on that blog was titled funeral.

As I heard the music of the funeral band,
I reached out for her hand,
only to stumble and be lost.
As the first drop came,
an endless pour,
caught in a world of endless doors,
I began to cry, and then a hand grasped mine.

I was out of my daze,
and I was met with many a gaze,
I heard the speech of praise,
from a priest of heavenly grace,
The hearts had been bled,
The tears were shed,
At the end of everything said,
I said my goodbye as I cried in my bed.
-funeral

It is perhaps the most fitting poem to write for a final blog post, it was a time when I there were many changes in my life, but I had written that poem long before I posted it, it is dedicated to an old friend of mine who died when he was young, at the age of 15, someone who had so much going for him. I salute to the lost. I had stopped writing articles for more than a half a year after that blog till I started a new blog to continue my writings, eventually I started this blog which leads up till this latest post.

It has been four years since I began blogging, looking back at my old posts, I can see the evolution of my writing styles. For these 71 posts including this one, each had a poem or more, which made me wonder how I wrote all those poems, to me I find it quite a large number, of which I realize I can no longer remember all of them by heart due to number I have written. It makes me ask the question whether these poems are really that special, if I have written so many.

As I think harder about this issue, I reflect on how I felt when I wrote this poems, and for most I could frankly say I wrote them from pure inspiration using my emotions and reflections of the past, only a few were a little forced, during the times I was in a rut, sometimes its just so hard to write a poem when there is no inspiration.

And for the times when I could write often, it was because I had a muse, which provided so much inspiration, it was often breath taking, causing my mind to dance in words in an ocean of emotions that made me feel incredible, it was at those moments where I enjoyed writing most. I look forward to finding a new muse, to write in such a manner again. I’d say one of the greatest joys in my life is working with a muse, who influences my poetry greatly, and to a certain extent the novels I write. I don’t write novels as much as I used to, but I do intend to find the time to continue writing again.

Right now, I am more focused on achieving my dream which is so real and within in my grasp, like the glass of life that is full of richness. The past week has been especially good in which I achieved what I wanted, which was having the perfect performance for the week. I’d have to attribute part of the reason why I had even more focus during the week was because of the day before.

I had walked from my house to botanic gardens to sit for an hour by the pond where a pair of black swans were, to read a new book I bought, entitled “The monk who sold his Ferrari” Although I only read for an hour and have yet to finish the book, I found it meaningful and insightful which gave me a lot of insight and determination. I’d elaborate more, but perhaps until I’ve finished reading it, I shall not talk more about it. I look forward to going down to pond again and reading tomorrow. An hour a week, makes a big difference to me, away from my home, away from everything, no responsibility, just a half an hour walk there, an hour of reading by a pond drinking light coke and just taking in the beautiful scenery, and of course walking back. I’d say it is something I’d look forward to doing every week, just me, a book and drink by the pond, alone to read and reflect, and my feet and sandals to take me there and back.

It’s in these activities, where I contemplate the most, which I can refocus my energy, after a week of having to work with people regularly, coming up with new ideas, researching and presenting daily, just two hours of personal time where no one could disturb me, where I was free from stress, made a difference to my week. Perhaps I’d recommend it to others, but not everyone would find it fun walking in the afternoon sun, let alone reading. One thing I know, it is for me, and it makes a difference to me.

I wonder if I could share these moments with someone, and whether it would be different. Perhaps a whole different experience, and if it was to be shared, it should be no more than one person, I’m the type who only likes the company of one person and no more, where I can give my full attention and focus to that person, but even then, I’d say it would spoil the whole significance of taking that time aside, because that time aside has to have absolutely no stress whatsoever, because when I’m totally alone, no one to interact with, no one else to consider but myself for that point of time. I’d say it’s something that I don’t get often enough. A true reprieve. The time to really appreciate the glass of life I’m holding.


The thoughts tear past the skin,
From tongue to the ears,
Where it breaks through walls,
Which causes the tears to fall.

Remember, remember the words of surrender.

Of the exchange,
The reason,
And what was fought.

Remember, remember what it brought.
-The rhyme of reason.

Where we become

Hold your breath and grip on tight,
As we rush pass the fences of light,
The dream we’re living is so bright.

We’re asking for more.

Letting ourselves become so bold,
All those before us will fold,
Our actions are worth more than gold.

Break yourself from the line.

It’s time to open the gate,
Let us reach out towards the final date,
And Jump forward to meet our fate.
-Rising tide

Into a new beginning, where the world seems so different, so new, so invigorating. I find myself taking in the sights and sounds that overwhelm my senses. The energy of youth is amazing, it makes me feel like I’ve just been reborn. I find myself reaching out for so much, looking forward to so much more.

School, has been good, its constantly new problems given to solve followed by group work and presentations. I never really found anything to really challenge and improve myself on a regular basis till now. Till this foundation which tests me for what I am.

Everyday has been a test of one’s ability to think and organize one’s thoughts, and at the same time present oneself in a manner which exudes composure and confidence, in order to captivate the audience in the most effective manner. The need to lead and motivate others comes into play more than ever, the need to become an effective and powerful leader. So much of what I’ve learnt throughout my life comes into play, from my time on stage, to my time debating with some of the smartest people I’ve met in my life to all the books I’ve ever read, the shows I’ve watched, games I’ve played. The actions, reaction and decisions made are a culmination of the very presentations I do everyday.

My interactions with my group members, constantly guiding them to pull out their every potential, it brings out both the friend and teacher in me, something I rarely had before, most of which were experiences I had from guidance in drama and in Thailand where I taught English. The constant change of variables, having to work with new problems everyday, and different team mates each day tested my ability to analyze each member and problem to best formulate solutions to it all, from which I gained more experience on handling and working with people, to improving my thinking and organizing skills on a daily basis.

I find that the most rewarding moments of the day are when the presentation comes, and you see your members give their all and accomplish they never thought they could and my own part where I captivate my audience and teach for that short period, conveying what I understood and learnt, always honing my presentation skills to become even better.

Looking at everyone around me, I feel the want to bring everyone up higher, to rise with me, like a rising tide that would become unstoppable, perhaps even to the point where the best students come from my class, to become the best, to become leaders.

This is what I wrote earlier, it was meant to be a blog post, but I never really posted it, this is part of it:

The voices rise in a deafening sound,
Sensing the despair all around,
I bring my knees to the ground,
Hoping that at the last moment faith can be found.

It’s too late to find it now.

The words that leave my lips are silent,
The sincerity filling every thought,
I take a deep breath in,
As a sense of calmness fills my mind.
- A moment’s thought.

Where for that moment I’d dream, and see a face that I never paid much thought to, appearing in it, and somehow despite the lack of significance in my life, that person seemed to have a great impact in that dream. I wake up confused and wonder why such a thing occurred. Was it a reflection of the past I might have overlooked?

Looking at others, I often see a hint of my past in them, not in that there were involved in my past, but part of their lives were similar to mine, which allowed me to empathize more with them. Looking into their eyes, I can almost feel a connection, but then again, not everyone would allow me to see all of it. One would have to get to know the person better before such a strong connection could occur.

For the first week, I suffered from flu and fever, during each day of school, but I managed to give it my all, because I was motivated to succeed even it meant suffering. I was forcing myself into full focus during every presentation itself, in order to present in the best form. For myself, I did suffer from this forced state of control where I showed no sign of illness for a short period of time and for that moment, felt normal. I lost quite a bit of weight in that one week. My jeans went from a just nice fit on Monday, and then being loose by Friday.

I realize it was reckless for me to do such a thing, but it also tested my motivation and focus at the same time, proving my desire and dedication to succeed. This is what I told myself, “I am not here to fool around; I am here for total victory.” Total victory is doing my very best to achieve the best possible score. This would mean aiming for a perfect GPA, or something close to that. I have a goal, a dream, a desire, a commitment.

Into the second week, my members have become even better, having more confidence and better focus which allowed them to produce even better work than before, which reflects the very energy of youth which can be honed to improve and learn. I envision being able to achieve my goals with them; for without them, I could never reach my goal, they are the ones who are to be credited, and I am also responsible for helping achieve that goal too. Together, we’d all climb the ladder and reach for the heavens.

A smile and a laugh for the day,
A moments past of us standing,
Waiting for each other’s grin,
Basking in the rays of the sun.

Is there something to confess?

We’re jumping across the fence,
Our thoughts hindered by no cage,
But we’re not lost at all,
We’re all on the same page.

Where are we now?

Our dreams are our energy,
Where hopes hold sway,
And our actions come into play,
Come let’s go together.

Tomorrow’s a brand new day.
-Where we become.

The Traveler

As the drops of rain fall on my face,
I turn to look at the figure in the distance,
It seems to vanish as if a shadow in the light,
I look up to see the darkness.

The cold breath escapes me.

The constant moments of silence remind me,
Of the times I have been alone,
And the times I would be alone,
Do I fear being alone?

I fear my actions will never be seen.

Of the tear that drops down my cheek,
It’s hidden by the drops of rain,
I let my expression on my face drain it,
Letting my emotions take it away.

As much as my soul can take.
-The lone traveler.

I reach into my jacket pockets to feel what’s inside and keep my hands warm at the same time as the cold wind brushes against my face. The cold rain patters with different intensity throughout my journey. Walking the roads of royalty names, I realize it’s the path where I reminisce a lot where I can stow away my interaction skills and just be a traveler, taking each step and contemplating about my life, and not being affected by others.

I notice a few angelic eyes drifting towards my direction throughout the journey, sometimes turning all the way to follow my every step, as if to judge and love me at the same time. I continue on my travels, unfaltering in my steps, neither slowing nor speeding up. Taking deep breaths from time to time, I imagine the moments of my life where I was at my happiest and when I was at my saddest combined.

And in my silence, I hear my voice all the more clearly in my head, knowing that it speaks without distraction. The welcoming eyes of those few seem inviting but I had not a single interest. I was a mute traveler for that moment. I was a lone dream walker who could only hear the voice of another dream walker. At those moments, I existed at the edge of reality, closing myself to the world and listening to my ipod that was safely protected inside my jacket, from the pollution of the world, the wet and cold.

But there were moments where people just faded away too, and the pathway just expanded before me, like a path to the beyond, covered with fallen leaves and continually becoming coated with the leaves that fall slowly down from above me. Like an autumn in its full beauty, full bloom. As the wind blows across, I feel the leaves just drift pass my face and I find myself spellbinded by the simple beauty of nature. The smell of the leaves of the floor was refreshing at the same time, and when I finally reached the dark gate with two white washed pillars, I realized that it marked the end of my journey.
-nawK

I’ve looked at the paths of my life which my soul had taken, and I find that there were moments it was about to break, from some invisible pressure that I had asserted on myself. Sometimes it’s hard to draw a line as to how far I’d explore each possible path, but at the end of the day, I always get fixated by a particular path in life, where I focus much on.

It’s been more than a month since I wrote, of which I have experienced much. Through much time alone spent walking the world I live in. Journeys far and close, revisiting old paths I had walked and taking in the world around me and enjoying some of life’s simplest pleasures. I know many people can’t imagine just walking for hours on end, but it’s something I just enjoy doing greatly. Many a moment I thought to myself, how far have I walked? Only to tell myself, I will walk even further than what I’ve walked now. My current sandals have easily covered three hundred kilometers by now, and hopefully another three hundred more and beyond.

As for my very own legs, how much distance have they covered? Has anyone every wondered how much they’ve actually walked with their own two feet? No cars or bikes, just with your very own two feet. How much distance have you covered so far in your life? I could say I’ve traveled thousands by now by the age of 21 [I’ve done the calculations, and had intended to write it out, but I deleted it because it just is something not worth even writing about] Imagine those who train for long distance running, imagine how much distance they would cover in their lifetime, provided they never got any serious leg injuries or ailments. I’ve done much long distance running myself, and I can say it’s an amazing feeling when it feels like your flying on your feet, like Hermes.

I miss running those distances, it allowed a freedom that I never had when I was younger. But now I have pretty much lost it due to the lack of training in running and my training in weights which have both brought about the increase in my weight that hinders my long distance ability. I hope to strive for an in-between of being able to weight train and to run long distances. But I know, that I could never be truly good at either if I did both, it would make me better than the average person, but never better than someone who dedicates him or herself solely in either in their choice of dedication. It’s hard to have everything, but I try to strive for a balance, hoping to succeed.


Remember, Remember,
The choices made are forever.

These are hurried times,
Finding the path to walk on,
As the world rushes by,
What will trouble the lot of us?

Is this how your life has felt?

How many of us live a lie?
Taking the pill of denial,
That takes your pain away,
Never mind it all.

Remember, Remember,
The choices made are forever.
-Remember

Angel eyes

The sound of your voice still echoes in my ears,
Of words that I will never hear again,
Lost are the times where I would bask in your shine,
All that’s left is a sweet picture in my mind.
-Lost whisper

“Take a moment to empty your mind and close your eyes and breathe deep the air around you, and feel it fill you inside, and then let it out slowly as you feel the stresses of life escape as you breathe out.” That’s what I tell myself at the end of a day as I sit by my computer to think and contemplate, and taking a break to look out the window and pausing to relax. I find that it really helps to clear my mind, and ease the day’s stress away. Sometimes when things get rushed, we tend to forget about taking breaks, and that could often lead to a burnout.

Remember the time when we used to look into each other’s eyes,
Resting our heads on each other’s chest to hear the heart’s beat.
-Remember

When you feel the emotions welling up inside, you feel the urge to let it out, as if it’s burning inside you. As your vision begins to blur, you feel it coming in waves as if hit by a tide from an ocean of emotions inside yourself. And when you finally give in to that emotion, and let it all fall, you feel the emotions that caused it so deeply. Tears are precious, it represents the emotions inside that are overflowing out.

As the tears begins to well up in your eyes,
It catches the light as it flows out in precious drops,
I reach out my hand to catch its falling grace,
Holding you in my embrace,
To calm the expression on your face.
-Comfort

Everyone cries, no matter how much they try to put a brave front, eventually one day they cry. Be it out of joy or sadness, we all cry. I remember the times I’ve cried, when no one was there to see my tears, as I rested against the post of my bed and tear. Thinking about the times I’ve held someone who was crying. To comfort them, to give them my shoulder and my embrace.

It means a lot to have someone to cry to. However, as I think about some of the times I held a person when they cried; it was because of me, indirectly or directly. All I can do, once I made a person cry is to give them my comfort and apologies and try to make it up to them. I know that, it’s sometimes because of my temper or impatience when they make me upset, and that I should try to be more patient. It is always harder when that person means so much to you, because their every action towards you has an even greater effect on you emotionally than anyone else. That’s why people who I have been close to have the greatest ability to make me cry, because when they upset me, betray me or shun me, they affect me greatly. A loss of their relation would affect me deeply, of which makes me ponder deeply about why it all fell apart.

I guess that’s why those who cry because of me cry because my actions towards them affect them greatly because I mean a lot to them. A tear is precious, especially a tear shed for someone who was close to you, or is close to you.

Some of the hardest hitting was with close friends. Friends whom I could not imagine not speaking to when I was close to them, those people made me shed tears because I felt the pain very deeply. Especially when they were an important or large part of my life, where I devoted much of my time and attention to, giving them higher priority over others, and thus the more the invested emotion, the more painful the ending of the relationship. That’s why I have only a few close friends, and I do realize I expect a lot out of those close to me, but that’s because they are dependable and have been there for years. It is formed from deep respect and commitment to the point where I would be willing to risk myself even for their sake. To protect them or aid them, to be there as one should be as a close friend as they would for me.

So far, no one new to me has been able to withstand such a relationship yet, they all seem to fall apart after a while, no matter the amount of promise it might show in the initial start. I’ve had quite a few close relationships that had such a strong emotional bond that was formed quickly over a short period of time. But many of these bonds eventually fell apart after less attention and time was put into it, or an argument brought a standstill to all the conversations. To me a close friend requires a special bond. Such a bond requires a lot of patience, commitment and understanding from both parties. And with the way I am, I guess its not easy being a close friend, its easy to be an acquaintance, but a close friend? Step right up and see if you’re up to the challenge. Few have been successful so far. So few.

As the cold clear water is poured into the stained glass,
I look at the deep etches around the tip,
The water begins to turn a deep dark red,
As my lips touch the glass.

Show me the way to drink the glass of life.

We have no choice about how to do it,
Not a single path without stains,
Without shedding tears in the rain,
Or crying out against the pain.

Help me step out of my shadow’s embrace.

The crowd stares across the room,
Finding myself unable to complete the sentence,
The shadows begin cover the light’s ambience.
It seems like there no way to escape its vengeance.

There is no where left to hide but to face it.
-Glass of life