A game of you

Hold your breath,
Look into my eyes,
And see me smile to one side,
Do you have an apocalyptic wish?

Stand at the very edge of sanity.

Feel the beat from the drums of doom,
The doomsday clock is ticking,
With five minutes to midnight,
You hear yourself breathing so deep.

Grip on tight to my hand as the moments pass.

In the final moments of the tick tock,
I’ll be there to give that added surge,
As I pull you forward,
And let you pass towards the final barrier.

Smash it.
-From this moment on to the end.

What if life was like a series of chess games and the most successful in life are those with the highest rating.

In the world, we are but pieces in a chess game, and each piece plays its own individual chess games with the moves dealt to them.

In chess, the goal of the game is to checkmate the king. Thus in real life, we have to set our goals clearly in order to know what we are working towards and how we can use the resources given to us to achieve it. Also the more one analyzes a move and how it can lead to an advantage or disadvantage, and with experience gained from each analysis, one can become faster at analyzing, as some games have a time limit to think, we may not have the luxury of time on our side to think. Thus, if time was a factor for being unable to think during the game, then post game analysis can help one to see one’s mistakes or right moves. Post game analysis of one’s life would be reflection.

With the games of chess we encounter in life, where our decisions are different stages affect the outcome greatly. From opening, middle game and end game.

In the opening or preparation, our very first actions are crucial in that they can decide whether we lose out the possible advantages, or gain the possible advantages and minimize the risk we put ourselves in. Of course, sometimes the biggest risk can also have the biggest gain, but in life, the opening is usually the most dangerous time to take risks. For example, when we first start a project, the planning and organizing is the opening, and when we plan poorly, we lose the potential that we had, same with good planning can increase the potential gained.

In the middle game, where everything has fallen into place, this is when the main fight begins. Where the exchange of pieces, whether a defense or attack are decisions made that can leave a person in a critical situation where they may be doomed or in the sure-win scenario. Because resources are always limited, how one chooses to use his resource during this part will decide a lot. Continuing with the example of a project, since a project would have a due date, the limited resource would be the amount of time has and manpower and money.

How one exchanges the time, manpower and money to achieve the goals of project is key, if one does not do it well, time will be wasted and the goal of the project may not be achieved by the due date, and thus failure.

Finally the endgame, this is often greatly decided by how well was one’s preparation and actions during the middle game which then place one in the state one is currently in during the endgame. In the endgame, the outcome is almost very clear, but is not yet final, this is when a person is tested most. Because even if one has a clear disadvantage or advantage, one hasn’t reached the checkmate yet, thus each decision in the final moves can decide a lot of things.

In an endgame, sometimes one has a chance to recover and sometimes no chance to recover, but rather prolong the end or even unable end the game, thus knowing when to concede the game or draw the game is important, lest one wastes further time invested in the game.

When one has a chance to recover, if the goal that was set earlier is very important to the person, one should do one’s best to persevere, that way, even in the face of doom and failure, and one can still have a chance to turn the tide, or at least finish it knowing one never gave up.

Unfortunately, not all games we play are fair, some start with obvious advantage or disadvantage towards us, and its up to us either equalize or turn it to our favour or simply dominate the game. That’s why some games are just doomed failures from the start, but if we were strong, sometimes, the opponent which could be different factors in life or people could falter and make mistakes, turning the impossible into possible.

That’s why, sometimes, when you give up, you truly lose, and if you don’t give up, there is always a chance no matter how small it is. Remember, that small is infinitely more than nothing. When you give up, you lose and you have no chance.

That’s why, with all the choices in life fate has dealt to us, we can’t give in to hopelessness even if it may be bleak. The strongest persevere and keep on going, reducing the possible mistakes, and increasing the advantages and putting oneself in a better position to equalize the game and eventually have the superior position.

If you keep on winning the chess games in life, you can achieve a better “rating” And become more successful in life. Being consistent and learning from each game through analysis and reflection, will allow you to become a better player in life.

When the moment seems tough,
With the pressure on your shoulders,
And you feel like your will is just about to break,
Remember that your choices are for you to make.

Each chance needs one to hold on tight.

Even when it seems unreachable,
Where you stretch towards the untouchable,
And with every inch you fought so hard for,
It just might move towards you.

So fight hard with all your might,
Cause I’m right behind you.
-Unbreakable

Five minutes for redemption

In the center of a room,
Is a lady in the palest white,
From dress to body,
Except her blood red lips.

Her angled expressions like that of precarious geometry,
Her eyes blink slowly as her lips open slowly,
Every part of her movement dissolves into the surrounding,
Moving,
Yet not moving.

In my right hand is my blade,
Dripping with the blood of innocents,
Of the souls I’ve sundered,
Hopes and dreams I’ve plundered.

I lift my head and think about the moment when I swung,
And cut the heart,
Like a coup de grace,
I fall to my knees,
Into her arms,
Her tears of black flow down her dress,
Lines of black all over,
I feel myself lost within.

Drowning in my crucified sanity,
The thirteen within pull me in all directions,
I find myself counting down five minutes to midnight,
Where the gates of damnation call,
Five minutes for redemption.
-Five minutes for redemption

In a world where there is a doomsday clock, where the minutes to midnight change constantly, it’s impossible to truly tell when the clock might strike twelve. Why do we concentrate on a doomsday clock, when we forget the more immediate problem, our own clock, the minutes to our end.

Consider this, we all have our own life clock which countdowns to the moment we meet our end. It’s a counter that we can never see, never know and it also means that we have limited time. Life is not infinite, thus the pursuit of immortality is something that people fantasize about so much, some even spends fortunes to try and find it, but then they forget what they can do with the time they have and they can make a difference in this world.

This is a quote I’ve used many times, “Life is strength, we live and we affect our world.” Our very lives give us power, power to affect our world, with our actions, with the translation of our thoughts into various mediums and machinations that affect those around us and to a certain extent the world. With that limited time we have, our strength is limited, but how we channel our strength, harness that “potential”, our influence over the world, is the biggest question.

For me, I am someone who wants to affect lives on both a large scale where many would benefit, and also to affect those who matter most to me on a profound level where my “strength” matters most. The very knowledge and fact that I have limited strength, makes me want to not waste my strength, my potential.

Our potential can be increased and amplified by how much we prepare ourselves and equip ourselves and work towards achieving the goals we set. Imagine our lives in the form of a multilevel shelf.

The shelf can be filled with any kind of book, but the shelf has a limited space, and when the shelf is full, one has no more time to fill that shelf. When we are first come into existence, in the safety of our mother’s womb, our shelf is empty; devoid is knowledge of the outside world, with no relationships and only the experiences we get from within the womb. And when we come into this world, we are exposed to various things that our family and relatives teach us, and our shelf starts to fill up with the languages they teach us, that we hear, objects we see, touch, taste and smell.

Our initial world till adolescence is controlled by teachers and parents on subjects that we learn and as we get older, we are given more responsibility to choose what we experience. From the relationships we make, the subjects we take, books we read, lessons we participate and observe, skills that we pursue, activities that we do, they begin to fill up our shelf.

With the choices given to us, we can choose to fill our shelves to the brim, until we have no time to fill it up anymore, due to it being too filled up, or we can choose to take our time to find the better “books” and spend more time to know each book we place in our shelf.

If we were to fill up our shelf to the brim, during the times when we need to find a certain book, we may have trouble finding it as there are too many things in that shelf. In real life, it would be that your so involved in different things, you have trouble figuring out which is more important or not being able to understand something due to the lack of time spent reading that “book”

Also, if our shelves are too full, we are unable to find time to look for new books and put better books on the shelf. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t try too many different things. The first book you pickup may not be the best for you, nor will the fifteenth or hundredth. Its ok to try different things, but what you put on the shelf must be something that is worth one’s time, and that person would gain more out of that book in terms of experiences, memories and lessons learnt.

If you spent your time looking at each book carefully, before putting them on the shelf, you would prevent books that aren’t useful, or good for you from being on your shelf. Of course, you can’t be too sure, until enough time is spent, thus if after the initial “browsing” one can put in the shelf, but should make sure that spend the time to return to that book to read it. Neglecting your books would cause it to be covered with dust, and some books don’t handle well to neglect, they may whither, break apart or even gets stolen.

To give you a better outlook of the shelf, the kind of books will broken down into these categories:

Relationships
Skills
Wisdom
Fitness/Health

The first point of relationships covers family, friends, lovers and partners. By filling your shelf with the right people and spending time with them, and understanding them, will allow you in times of need or help to lend a helping hand or give your advice or support.

The second point of skills is the subjects you will learn, from mathematics to science, marital arts to cooking. These various skills in life allow us to achieve tasks in the world, and help us affect our world according to the proficiency we have learnt these skills.

The third point of wisdom is what we come learn from all the relationships, skills and experiences in life we have. What we learn in terms of how to handle people, concepts that can be learnt from the skill or in learning the skill help us to understand the way the world works, how we can be more effective at something, or where best to apply these skills in a manner that avoids negative outcomes such as failures or negative reactions from the world.

The fourth is Fitness/Health, this isn’t actually a book, but rather your maintenance of your actual shelf. Imagine your shelf getting attacked by termites, cooked in the sun and drenched in the rain day in day out, won’t it just fall apart? Along with all the books inside.

Fitness and health doesn’t just purely talk about health, although it’s a main part of this concept. In order to have the ability to find the books that you can choose from and put on your shelf, you need a certain level of health or fitness to attain them, and if you were in poor health, it would be difficult to maintain these books or even find new books.

That’s why, the time we spend taking care of our shelf, through exercise, healthy diet, ample rest etc. Will determine how well we maintain our shelf, the books and how much we can learn from these books and attain new books.

With these books, we must make a choice, due to the limited shelf space and time we have to spend reading/living.

Maintain the library of your life well, do housekeeping, remove books that may not be useful, but don’t throw them away, perhaps just placing them in a box and picking it up once in a while does no harm. Don’t let it get cluttered with so many different things, and when the time comes when you need or want a book, you can’t find a good book among that junk, because you don’t know the books on your shelf very well, and many would be poorly maintained.

It boils down to another overused quote of, “Quantity over Quality” This is a choice you must make. I am not saying you should only have a few books on your shelf, in fact you can have many, but you’ve got to make sure they are well maintained and enough time has been spent on them, in order for them not to be useless or poorly maintained books.

By having good knowledge and understanding of your shelf and the books within them, you are better equipped in handling the world before you and achieving your goals and of course the pursuit of using your full potential. With our clock counting down, would you fill your shelf to the brim? Or fill it with something that makes a bigger difference? “Quantity or Quality?”

Like a summer of a thousand lonely smiles,
Without an end in sight,
When the moment seems so bleak,
Across this room of broken glass,
Turn away and don’t look back.

Take my hand.

I’ll show you a light that engulfs the darkness,
Where we become dreamers,
Among the sands of dream,
Shaded by these trees,
Where there is no need to try,
Because we just want to live.

For in life we can’t ask for more,
But the gift of life’s journey.
-Never giving up

Beyond the twenty


As the air begins to thin,
I find myself breathing harder,
The light gets blocked by the clouds of mediocre,
It’s getting hard to think about the future.

A droplet falls downwards in this endless drop.

Where will it be in the day after tomorrow?
I can only tell you what’s happening to it today,
I can tell you what happened to it before,
But I can’t tell you when you are gone.

All I can do is reach upwards,
And sing the song,
With you as long as your close to me,
Knowing that it will end,

Searching for that moment secretly,
That moment when you are gone.
-That moment

“Have you heard how in falling we are given wings?” This was a letter written to me a long time ago. When I look back at part of my past that I could not bear to look at out of guilt, I realized how much I’ve held onto for the longest time, and tried to ignore.

It was many years ago, when that letter was written to me, and the person who wrote it to me, had so much more feeling and meaningful words than ever spoken to me than when I knew person for an entire year. At the time I got the letter, I had hardened my heart and chose not to look back, and thus the letter did not get through, but years later, after looking at it I do realize how much that person felt, even more strongly than I understood many years ago.

And this is the moment I realize that some time after passing twenty, I had grown emotionally to an extent that I never realized, I look back at myself and understand why I did those things, but I neither condemn nor condone it, it was a learning experience and a memory to keep for life. And my stage of life, it is time not to pretend or to be ignorant to the truth.

The poem that I wrote with a close friend of mine regarding some of these pent up feelings was titled contemplation of condemnation. It contains a reflection of myself written four years ago.



Amoung the clouds of golden rain upon shadow and pain,
contemplation of the insane,
pondering about the place of dust and rust,
and of hearts I've sundered, hopes and dream I've plundered.

Deny the indifference stilled by grief,
restrain, unbecoming, a voiceless faceless fear,
measured so modestly, and lithe,
the dearth of a virtue so severe.

Each action driven by desire,
although an innocent love,
yet a consequence of lust,
rise into decadence and fallen into silence.

I rise as conscience wills only to serve,
the truth of my guilt is lie,
vainity is the temperament of worth,
as strife holds a grace fated to die.

Dreams of gold and words untold,
of tears that were shed and hearts that have been bled,
uncrossed paths and broken hearts,
desire a condition, control a mere reminisince.

In a past that could be,
of a man you could be,
have you no remorse, no feeling?
am I thus hateful, so steeped in ambiguity?

Tis a shade of grey.
Nay, a conflict of white and black.
perhaps to wish for nothing more, that is all I ask.
Yet so much more, I hunger and desire for.
All I pray if you may is to hold you at bay.
for I am naught, the sorrow of the end.
-Contemplation of condemnation

I understand the poem written long ago even more, how much guilt I had in myself, that I keep within myself until now. Do I have regrets? No I don’t, its part of my experiences and memories that live to make me who I am now, if I did not experience what I experienced I may not be the person who I am now.

To be honest, every time I’ve run into the person who wrote me this letter my heart burns deep, and I begin to panic, though I never truly show it. I just continue smiling and pretend nothing was happening, even when we locked eyes for a moment. I always thought it was some unexplainable fear that I had, which I rarely felt except in extreme situations where I have no control of. But it wasn’t fear, it was guilt, deep burning guilt that struck me hard every time I was near that person.

After so many years, I’ve yet to actually to make amends for what happened. It wasn’t because of cheating or betrayal, but it was guilt over making someone so hurt and not parting on the best terms. I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting and feel that its about time to apologize, no matter how much time has been spent apart. I believe making the point to make amends to rebuild a bridge that was once burnt will make a difference even if it fails, because at the end of the day, at least the other person knows that I am sorry by trying to make amends.


The only question is, how do you fix something that has been left for years? Of course there is a hope that the person is more receptive to such an apology or attempt to make amends and have long gotten over it. I can only hope that the person can see I’ve changed and that I truly want to make amends and nothing else, I wish to end the animosity and hurt that the person may feel towards me, if they still have it.

I remember the verve of the moment,
Of the times I’ve spent reflecting its end,
And realized that it was a piece left uncompleted,
It was a duet that I failed to finish properly,
Leaving my partner in tears,
That has long since dried up.

I’ve contemplated my condemnation.

Choices in life we make,
To leave things behind,
But at the end of the day,
A responsibility,
Something left owed,
Something to be repaid,
Not an empty portrait,
But rather a memory to remember.
-Dried tears.

Remembrance

Every memory’s slowly fading,
In the evanescence of this dreaming,
I remember the choice of words,
The paths taken.

I find myself too attached to this particular memory.

I can’t give you the reason why,
But I realize I don’t need one,
It’s just a special one,
One that I won’t let decay.
-Remembrance

I’ve had time to reflect on the past two days. Of someone I met and shared fun filled moments with. A person who was full of life and vibrance. She was someone with ambition, someone who wanted to do something with her life. A driven person.

I was in a church with a mass that was singing songs, the speeches to honor her given, the tears shed, the final goodbye. And now I sit in my room to the silence and the reflection. It is quiet now, the silence a painful solemn thing as I said my final goodbye, in my own way.

She was so young, younger than me, which showed how short life was. I remember I wrote a poem long ago about a funeral, I’ve shown it a couple of times, but it fits the occasion. It was raining on that day too, and when it rained it poured.

As I heard the music of the funeral band,
I reached out for her hand,
Only to stumble and be lost.

As the first drop came,
An endless pour,
Caught in a world of endless doors,
I began to cry,
And then a hand grasped mine.

I was out of my daze,
And I was met with many a gaze,
I heard the speech of praise,
From a priest of heavenly grace,

The hearts had been bled,
The tears were shed,
At the end of everything said,
I said my goodbye as I cried in my bed.

-Goodbye

It makes me think about life, the frailty, the temporary flesh and bone we reside in. It makes death part of life, and with death it brings loss, not only to those who know the person but to the world. Loss is always painful, no matter how wants to look at it, it is always painful.

Memories that sometimes you never reflected back much on till it was too late. A friend told me, that sometimes only when something like this happens then the memories come flooding back. Sometimes it feels like there is nothing I can say or do that really makes a difference, but at the end of the day, we should, despite the smallest significance it would make.

Each voice has weight, and with our life and each breathe we take, we should use that strength to honor those past and create a change and live life to the fullest. We have the ability to affect, what choices are you making? What are you doing with your time?

Are you living it to the fullest? Can you die right now satisfied with what you lived with? The concept of living a full life was brought up in the funeral where the priest spoke that one can have lived a full life by accepting god. That was his idea of living a full life.

But then again, we all have different ideas on what a full life should be? Who is correct? My idea of having lived a full life would mean that I experienced life physically, spiritually, mentally and appreciated these experiences and had reflected greatly and gained knowledge and wisdom from these experiences. That is what it means to have lived a full life. But what is your idea of living a full life?

Have I lived a full life? I can’t say I have. I have reflected a lot, but I have not reflected enough, there are so many experiences I’ve yet to experience. People I’ve yet to help and by god, as long as there is enough strength in me, I will make it happen. This life I have is precious. The lives we have is precious, its temporary and we never know when it ends. It’s not important to think about the end, but rather what we do until we reach the end.

Live every moment and make it something you want to take with you at the end. Something you can look back on and smile at. I’ve had moments like that, that did not require any brush of death. When I was in Phuket in the Marriott, under the sun in the pool just looking out at the sea, I reflected on the beautiful moments that meant a lot to me and just realized how lucky I am to have lived these moments. So despite not achieving the full life I see, I still have no regrets even if I have to go.

Why fear death? Fear not making the most of the time you already have. The famous quote, “The past is over, the future is unknown, the present is a gift.” I’m not sure if I got it correct but it makes sense. The past is already done, and we should not live in it, because if we spend too much time living in it, we lose the present, and if we spend too much time thinking of the future, we waste the present. That’s why it’s important to learn from the past, plan for the future and make full use of the present.

It’s quiet now,
I feel the world coming to a stand still,
The tears well up inside.

There’s nothing I can say to make the pain go away.

For every time you fought and tried,
I will remember that,
Every word you spoke,
Is precious to us all.

For the words you wrote.

When the moment came to a close,
Remember us,
As we remember you,
I will remember you.
For we love you.

- To Jaclyn

I bid adieu to you for the last time.
-Kwan

Those eyes

Pray upon this lonely soul,
Holding your hand in mine,
As you rest your head against me,
Connecting in this embrace.

Choose the dance.

Tell me how you want it,
Look into my eyes and I into yours,
I’ll lean close,
And listen.

I want to hear your chocolate whispers.

No need for the rational,
Dance with me in the faded,
Amongst the candles,
In its orange glow.

Is there a reason to need?
Or is there a reason to be?
-Those eyes

Is there always an ending to the choices we make in life? Perhaps the end never comes as soon as we think, or isn’t over when we think it is over. I’ve learnt it over the past month or so that things don’t simply go away, simply end like that.

But would I trade it for anything else? The life that I have lived for another? I say no, this life is precious because it’s by my actions and choices that have influenced the outcome of my life, it is the life that has my work, my input, my follies. That’s what makes it more valuable, precious and unique and because I’m the one who lived my life, not someone else.

If I died tomorrow, I would have died knowing that I lived my life without regret and that I appreciate it a lot, despite its downs, it brought me many highs that made me appreciate and treasure life, which gives us these experiences and teaches us many things. The thing I’ve said so many times, and can never say enough of, life is about its experiences, it’s what makes life worth living, the good and bad.

The problem for most people is they do not or have yet to appreciate it. They go throughout life never really contemplating about it, until it hits them one day, and they worry about all the lost contemplation, and when they think about their purpose of life, the directions they took, the choices they made. When they start doing it for the first time, it may be so overwhelming because they have so much to make up for.

When was the last time you reflected about your life? What happened before, what caused it, what you learnt from it, how it affects you now, what choices do you have now, what you can do, will do and what direction will you take for your future?

Life’s many questions that we often fail to sit down and really think about it. It’s something that is often procrastinated about. When you reflect, you can relook goals you’ve set before, or set goals if you have not yet, or update it based on what you think is better. Are you able to die tomorrow without regrets?

Many of us are fortunate with time, health, family, friends, school and various comforts that we often take for granted. For some, they think their life is terrible and not worth living, and that there is nothing worth living on for, or that it’s far worse off than anyone else’s. I have an answer for that, stuff that thinking because it’s selfish and self centered. Remember this, our life isn’t simply ours, it belongs to the world, to the people we will meet, affect and experience with.
Remember those who brought us into this world, they gave us life, they may not be the most perfect people but they gave you life. I could sit here and continue telling you about why your life simply isn’t yours, so taking it for granted and choosing to end it is selfish.

We live life, experiencing it unhindered. Have you ever thought to think about those who can’t walk, hear or see? If you’re thinking that you’re now more fortunate than them, I’d say yes and no. Yes because you don’t have a disability and can experience the maximum that life can offer, and no because a person with a disability can sometimes experience life more than you.

Why do I say that? Because a person with a disability might appreciate what he or she has more. The person may have reflected life more, enjoyed and appreciated the experiences that they could get and enjoy living more than you. So for every person who thought they their life was miserable, the reason for it being miserable is because you make it to be miserable.

For me, I can’t say I never felt sad or miserable. Yes I have, and still do, but constantly fixating on it won’t help my situation. It’s all about appreciating what you do, from the very air you breathe, to the wind that blows in your face, to even the water splashing against your face as you take a bath. How much we take from each experience makes the bigger difference.

That’s why, for those people who may have a shorter life span, sometimes, they learnt to appreciate life more and some chose to live their life to the fullest, and experience it rather than take a negative view on their plight. So in say a few months they might have left to live, they could have lived more than they ever would if given years. That goes for everyone.

Do you think you’re going to live forever? That tomorrow will come? Appreciate and learn from the past (where you have no regrets), live your life to the fullest (Because tomorrow may never come) and treasure every tomorrow that comes, and living your life to the fullest makes tomorrow even better, you never know when’s the ending. You’ll want to take your final breath with a smile.

There is a place to be,
Where my soul is blessed,
And you can let go,
Because there is nothing left to need.

I don’t know what my fate is,
But I know I have the choice,
To begin a journey,
To make memories to take with me.

Because I’ll never know when the end is.

-The place to rest

Running towards happiness

Can you sense what’s in the air?
Can you tell me what’s fair?
I can’t tell if your mind’s even there,
Oh legs don’t fail me now.

I’m running at the speed of sound.

I’m trying to reach out to you,
To hold onto your hand,
And if we do,
I ask one thing.

Don’t let go.
-The atrophic run.


This is a line I wrote in a short story entitled Atrophic run.

“The angel of mercy holds my hand tonight as I ponder about the thoughts that run through my mind, where my hopes and dreams are questioned and checked by reality in this probability that doesn’t favor me.”
-Nathaniel

The story is about a boy who belongs to a long lost race of beings that can move at the speed of sound, but every time he runs at that speed, he starts to die a little. Thus every time he runs, his body degenerates, thus he rarely uses it, and mostly for mischief or showing off as he is sort of an anti-hero. He meets this girl one day, and things hit it off and they become close, but it becomes complicated as she has something she doesn’t want to reveal. Its story of love and sacrifice, where two worlds meet.

Why do I write about a short story I wrote? It’s the first piece of writing I’ve really written that I felt ok about in a month or so. I’ve had this rut for so long, and it was something that allowed to me to finally express myself.

It’s a new year now, and I ponder and reflect about my past and future. The future being bright with promises and possibilities where the probability unlike the protagonist in atrophic run, it favors me. That’s because I make my own chances, and if one doesn’t one leaves it to whatever happens, which could be both good and bad.

Our chances are determined by our actions or inaction, thus its all about the right actions. To me, the most important thing to increasing one’s chances is one’s mindset because at the end of the day, whatever you get, whether you’ll be satisfied or happy with it is based on how positive or negative your mindset.

For example, if someone gave you a glass of red wine you can react in several ways. To simplify things, we give a positive and negative view. For the negative view, you would look at the wine and think that it is lousy quality and not of the right temperature thus the taste would be partially defined about your bias, and thus you become unhappy, your actions and enjoyment are then influenced by these emotions. Now a positive mindset would be, you got a glass of wine from someone, and the person was kind enough to offer you a drink, instead of having no drink at all and perhaps the wine might taste good if one was willing to open one’s mind, and thus removing the bias and being grateful for the drink. At the end of it, being positive may reduce unhappiness or even make you more satisfied and happier.

You could do the same with a glass of water.

This brings into question the pursuit of happiness. That’s what Atrophic run is about. The person had the ability to run fast which allowed him to achieve things most people could not. If you are never satisfied with what ever you get, you might end up wearing yourself down if you don’t know when to stop. Not that its wrong to pursue better things, but one should be able to be positive about it.

The pursuit of happiness a concept about how one strives to achieve a state of happiness, there are many ways. Some of the common ways are:

1) Setting ideals and goals and working towards them. (Material wealth or power)
2) Being satisfied with what one already has.
3) Helping others (Charity, aiding someone in need or a friend)
4) Relationships (Friends, Family, Lover)

These could come in any combination. Perhaps the hardest is number two. In our society, we are brought up with a certain set of ideals and a majority of us don’t have that has been set by the various combinations of friends, family and media, thus the knowledge of something better may affect us on how satisfied with what we have because we might compare.

At the end of the day, we could always compare, and you can always find someone better off, unless you think you’ve got everything possible. But you can achieve something better than that; you can achieve all or most of your wants.

By making it realistic and choosing those that are most important to you, you make it much easier. For example, if you want to be good at a sport, dedicating your time to that sport can make you feel more fulfilled. Of course, if you had many other wants like needing money, do other sports, it makes it harder for you to be satisfied with just being good at that sport.

It’s good to do diverse things and have several things that are important to you that have perhaps the most fulfillments. But of course you should focus on something because if you often miss out and don’t pay attention to what’s one of the most important things in doing that sport/activity such as the process of becoming good at it, bonding with the people you do the activity with and forming relationships that go beyond that activity.

For me my general focus that brings about my happiness not in according to importance):
1) Writing stories and poetry
2) Having alone time to reflect
3) Family
4) Friends
5) Grades

These are the five things that I base my satisfaction on. To me, I know that my family is the foundation of my life because they are the ones I can turn to the most, thus family time is important and it’s important to have a strong relationship with them. To be honest, despite being the youngest in the family where I am not as close to my siblings as they are to each other, and my parents show more favoritism towards them, I still love them.

At the end of the day, one can have a negative view or positive view towards such things. I used to have abit of both, where the negative used to outweigh the positive, but that only made things worse and made home a much harder place to live. But I learnt that no matter how much biasness may be shown and whatever is considered unfair, I learnt to let things go and accept them as part of my life. In a way, I’d say I’m actually satisfied with what I got in my family, and I’m happy to be me, because I’ve got so much to be grateful for already.

If I had to list them out, it would take a post just as long as this and it would be in point form to boot. When was the last time you listed out the things that you should be grateful for? At the end of the day, you’ll realize you might have more to be happy about than unhappy about. It’s the mindset.

Find that precious light,
Where the two are a perfect match,
A connection without a catch,
Where the relationship and grow and hatch.
-The precious light

Ascension

Have you thought about it?
All the relations you have built?
The crowd surrounds like a faceless blur,
Their all there,
But is it a false sense of accomplishment?

Is it a lie? Is life truly like this?

We perceive what we choose to see,
We become who we want to be,
Or is it something that we don’t truly see?
Are others the ones who decide?

In these hurried times you make a choice.

Even without the truth,
Without a light,
In these uncertainties,
It’s time to take that leap of faith.
-Perception and faith

Have you ever questioned what is real? There are so many things around us which we often don’t ask ourselves or choose not to, on whether the things we do is real. What do I mean by real? Being real is something that is done with the true desire to do it, something you truly believe in. But then, belief, it comes at another question, is belief enough to make it real?

Belief is a perception, if we believe something, it becomes real to us. So if everyone thought something was true, does it make it real? From here, we could continue to branch out to many topics and still go on and on, and this would end up as a ten thousand word article, which almost all of you who read this would never finish. Most people would not even finish the thousand word plus articles I write. So when you apply the word real to the readers of these articles, are any of you real readers of my articles? Do you actually read word for word, from beginning to end? Do you desire to read it? Do you simply read to see what’s going on in my life?

If you did, I guess you’d see my emotions in my writing, it reflects part of how my life is, the snapshots of state of mind and not exactly what happened in a literal sense. My poetry is like the summary of most of what happened, but the writings in between often hold so much more of my contemplations.

So to me, is this blog real? I have another where I write briefly about what happens in my life, posting pictures and showing the world what happens. It is a real representation of the exciting things in my life, though not every moment, thus I’d say its real, but does it reflect my true state of mind? In that sense, it would not be real. Brings us to the question of is it possible for something to be real and unreal at the same thing?
The sevendaysoftheweek blog has real pictures of me, has my writing and reflections about them, but only on the surface level. This surface level is real, but the deeper thoughts are not there, thus in terms of my writing styles and blogging style, it’s not the real me. Thus, I’d say that’s when the real and unreal merge, forming a different part.

Looking at things that are real, the largest part of our lives that we often should question if they are real is the relations we keep. Are these relations real? Why are they formed? Do they even hold real weight in our lives? In our life we will meet many people, who come and go, many whom we will forget, many whom we’ll briefly meet, but only a small number whom we will spend most of our time with and maintain relationships with. It is so easy for someone to fall out of relations if the bond is not strong and people don’t meet up.

That’s why as time goes on, the friends seem to change, and you look at how people are and their shift in loyalties or treatment of you. Often, it gets harder to see people for whether they truly like you and like to spend time with you the more you go into things that are considered “popular” Following the trends set by groups or people and becoming well known tends to blur the line of real and unreal. It makes it hard to determine if the person really would be your friend without this “popularity”

I’ve always shunned this form of “popularity” But then again, what about a trend you set? I realize by doing different things, by pursuing what I like, it ultimately does come with attention, and can end up being “popular” It is then when I don’t feel like pursuing what I enjoyed doing because of the “popularity” When I was the joker last month, I experienced a height of attention given towards me despite not revealing my name to those who don’t know me. When people asked me for my name, I only smiled and said it was “Joker”

Despite the numerous girls who wanted to take photos with me and get my name and number in Zouk, I chose not to give them; instead I maintained the persona of the Joker and told them I was the Joker. Being the Joker was not being me, but someone else, it was being in character, it was an act and people liked that, but it wasn’t the real me. I love acting so much, because at the end of the day it’s like living as another person for that moment of time. For that moment, I really become that person, I think and feel like the character, and for that moment it is real to me.

But at the end of the day, after the character has faded away, and I’ve reverted to myself, people still want to associate with me because of the character I played. I realized how plastic everything feels, the bitter after taste of “fame and popularity”. My use of these terms are in a small scale, I am not talking about huge groups knowing me, but those who see me and interact with during those moments want to know me for that. Most people I’ll meet probably will fade into the background quickly, but I want to have interactions with people as the real me so that when I find those who’d not fade away, that I could have real relations with them, something that would last.

I want to get to know people as the real me, and for them to be interested in knowing me as I am rather than any other way. I want it to be real, the want to know Kwan, not joker, not sandman, not something else, but just Kwan.

Do you hear the song of their voices?
The air becomes empty for a moment,
And the flowers begin to bloom,
And at that moment,

The sun is blocked by a sudden shadow.

The voices become silent,
The warmth once known is gone,
Even as the snow flakes fall,
Life carries on.

So why should you pause?
-Life carries on.