Temperature Rising

Holding onto the feelings as I kneel on the ground,
Knowing that if things need be I’d apologize,
Before it’s too late.

Taking in all the words in a blinding heartbeat,
I hear the sirens blaring constantly,
I can’t make a sound.

Drifting away from the narrow lines,
I hear the cracks beneath the ice,
I breathe deep.

As I turn around,
The lights flash across the river,
The temperature is rising.
-Temperature Rising


I had fever a few days ago, and it was the most draining thing, 3 days on and off high fever where I had two distinct dreams. Today being the first day my head is clear, I spent the day recollecting, and reflecting about my dreams and I guess I felt like writing. In one of those dreams, I dreamt about meeting a group I met a long time ago who were biased against me before they even got to know me, due to someone bad mouthing me:


The jury passed its judgement long before the evidence was presented. It was too late, I did not need to say another word, or even apologize for being who I was. I turned to look at them with my hurt eyes; they did not acknowledge it the slightest bit. It was as if they were cutting me down with their cold stares.

Words of another about you can often crack the thin ice that everyone starts with when making new friends. People often make their judgements about a person early, and stick with that judgement. A prejudice, especially when someone else tells them something about the other. Positive comments help a bit, but negative comments often break the ice that everyone treads when meeting for the first time.

Those were the times in the past, I remember about such things, I have a personality that can make enemies without me knowing. Because often, those who don’t like me are quite two-faced, wearing masks in front of me, pretending to like me, acting as a friend towards me, but behind my back revealing their true dislike for me. These to me are the worst people I meet, but I’ve come to accept it as part of life. There will always be two-faced people, and I know there are people out there who I’d not like but not show it, and there are a few who I warn people about, from my various experiences with them. Thus, it can’t be blamed, we all work that way right? Some people may not like me, I may not like them, all of those who I’ve warned about are generally those with low EQ, not that I have high EQ myself, but I guess and hope I have relatively decent EQ. I think I’ve gotten better as I’ve gotten older, learning what are traits I posses that should be toned down or featured less except on certain occasions (I rather not talk about that today, perhaps another)

Another dream I had was about a time I had to say goodbye to a close friend who passed away a long time ago. Here is a poem I wrote a long while ago, as a tribute to him.


As I heard the music of the funeral band,
I reached out for her hand,
Only to stumble and be lost.

As the first drop came,
An endless pour,
Caught in a world of endless doors,
I began to cry,
And then a hand grasped mine.

I was out of my daze,
And I was met with many a gaze,
I heard the speech of praise,
From a priest of heavenly grace,

The hearts had been bled,
The tears were shed,
At the end of everything said,
I said my goodbye as I cried in my bed.

- Goodbye

When I wrote that poem, I felt every word bleed out from my heart, along with my tears, it is something I will never forget. He was young, and his death struck a loss in my heart, and it showed me the mortality in the world we all live in. Death can come at any time, to anyone. For him it was too early, and I know that no matter what I do, I can’t make a difference. It makes me feel so weak. I can’t change the past, I can’t change death.

What I can do, is make a difference in the lives of others who are still there. The very people I can reach out to, those whose lives I can still affect. That’s why, I intend to go far in life, achieve my goals and reach out to those who need help. With my very effort and money, I will directly help, and not with some organization that takes the money, stuffs it in a bank and takes out a fraction of the money to use to help people. Donating to a charity is like paying someone else to care for another, it’s so easy to pay, but are you truly affecting another person’s life?

Everyone has a limited time on this world, but it doesn’t mean they have to suffer. For those who are better off, more fortunate, they should reach out to help someone. Even just one person, it would make a difference. When someone who is blind who needs help to get somewhere, an elderly who needs help to carry something up a flight of stairs, teaching English to underprivileged children, when someone has fallen down, all these acts of charity make a big difference in their lives, even if it may seem small, it meant that there was someone there to offer aid, support, help. Although it may seem like one small act, you should remember, that every act is important because it affects the person you’re helping. Remember that every person you help has feelings too and, how much joy or ease you bring to their lives when you help them. I guess that’s why I help, I want to make a difference, and I want to affect people’s lives in a positive manner, even if it may bring a perceived inconvenience, I find that its better to help the person in need. Don’t donate to an organization where volunteers reach out for you, reach out with your very own hands.

From everything that is given,
Of the trust emplaced upon,
I cross the line once again,
Pushing you wayward.

Sometimes I find things ajar.

Broken glasses across the floor,
Scented candles lay beside me,
The wind rushing through my hair,
On my shirt there is a tear.

Wearing the past long torn.

Memories of times of lust,
Long since the dream’s bust.

Of the times I’ve felt guilty,
Fallen into a place,
Where you cannot follow me,
I close my eyes and pray.

Please let me stay.
-Calm