When I write

Where the words have fallen,
Of the thoughts left separated,
I hear her voice in my head,
The image replayed a thousand times.


The odds are stacked.

Faded into the shadows,
Memories of the dream,
Winds of fate had blown past,
Leaving a void so vast.

Hallowed dreams.

The importance is long forgotten,
Yet secondary to none,
I reach for the shadow,
Why have I lost it?

A troubled soul.

A being I had left sundered,
Dreams of which I had plundered,
Broken,
Ethereal.

Nobody sees her.

I reach my hand out,
To undo my faults,
To untie the knots,
To break the chains.

To set her free.
-Free

“Where we stand”

It was late, I had taken a ride from a friend who dropped me off at a place that was further from the destination that we started from. I felt slightly sore about the choice I had made about following his car, in a hope of getting home faster, and where I got off, had no bus to my place. So I had a good ten minutes walk to the bus stop that I needed to go to. I had just begun to discuss over the phone with my friend over some important topics.

Across the road there was a man in dark glasses walking with a stick, as I crossed it, I saw he was about to cross and he was rather hesitant, and so I asked him if he needed help. The man was blind.

Ending the conversation with my friend, I forgot about my bus, though there was a slight feeling of being late scratching at me, I knew that the man needed help, and I was there, and one should never wait for another person to help a person in need. Many people suffer from the inactions of others.

And so I stretched my arm forward when he reached out. And so he explained to me where he needed to go. He had to cross the road to take a bus, so I took him across to the bus stop, and just as I was about to leave him there after helping him, I saw him asking blindly at the bus stop for someone to help him with looking out for the bus. I saw the people at the stop simply stare at him, without uttering a single word, they simply look frightened. So I turned back to tell the people of his condition, and the bus he needed to take. Immediately, two girls agreed to help, I could see their uncertainty over the whole situation before I stepped in to tell them.

Most people don’t know how to react, and often they are often frozen in their actions. Leaving the man in their care, I proceeded to cross the road again, realizing that I had increased my walk from 10 minutes to fifteen. Despite the increase in the distance, I felt that I rather walk the fifteen than let the man suffer the danger of crossing the road since he was blind, and I shuddered to think that he was all alone, traveling around, in a world where people were often apprehensive and reluctant to help, he was willing to take a chance that there will be people to aid him.

As I walked to the bus stop, I thought about my helping the man, the short conversation we had, I had introduced myself, and the silliest thing I did was point at where we had to go, when he could not see. I felt stupid, but I realized that I was inexperienced with helping a blind person, and I could only imagine how stupid I looked when I talked to the blind man and pointed at things at the same time. Who was going to see but me and the rest of people? While the intended person could not.

His trust in me, was strong, as he gripped my arm firmly and followed my every step, not hesitating when I brought him along. It was quite a distance to take him, it was a pity I’d never get to know him any further. And would he remember me? I don’t think so, maybe he’ll remember someone helped him across the road to the bus stop, but will he recognize me? The voice of that person? I did give him my name, but then that was it, in the world we live in, despite how small it might be, is vast enough. I don’t think I’d every get a chance to know that person, to know more of his world. A world without vision, but heightened sense of hearing, taste and touch.

I wish I could have gotten his contact, and perhaps learn about his experiences. It is a world that I would never want to experience, but it’s something I’d like to learn more about, so that I might understand them better in order to help them more.



“Competition”

As the sun bore down on me, as I looked up at the sky, the heat warmed me greatly, the feeling of where I was, reminding me that there was much to do in my life, many plans still left incomplete. At the poolside, a friend asks me to race across to the other side. The challenge reminded me of when I was younger, when I would be the one challenging. Here I was, being challenged, and so off we went. I won that race, like many that I have done, but then again, there was always someone who was better, so most of the people I raced were not better to begin with. If it was a large competition with many competitors, I’d usually end up second.

Why second?

As I ask myself that question, and now that I write it out, I feel that I commit much of my mind to the task, but at the last moment, there would usually be a slight doubt, even if it was just for a split second, it often would cost me the win, and I end up second. I could say, I’m quite used to second place by now.

So when do I get first? Usually when the actual no.1 isn’t there. So every victory in that event or sport, when I am the first, I feel that it’s not worth the win because I never competed against the best.

If only there was never a sense of doubt. I know I can control my feelings a lot, and remain calm, but a small slight insecurity tends to creep up especially against an opponent who is stronger, many of which will never sense and I can still win, but those that do, capitalize on it, and those tend to be the ones who rise to the top.

Defeat your opponent not only through your strength, but also through his weakness. That’s how I compete, I analyze my opponents, or the people I compete with.

And there I was, after that race, on the other side of the pool, my friend wanted to race again, but I was tired, and I would rather reflect about what I was thinking about during that race. I was not thinking of winning it, which was I usually thought of most of the time during competitions, but rather about the past and how I was like then, so much went through my mind as I swam.

And for a while I realized the most important thing, the thing that causes the moment of doubt, when I was serious, I never really enjoyed what I was doing, and I’d become too critical of my actions, and others, thus when the slightest mistake occurs, it creates a snowball effect which I often can never get out of. I normally never let that happen, but against the best, its never smooth sailing, the true test I guess, is to get back from the losing end.

That’s something I’m very weak at. It’s easy to dominate an opponent, but to turn being dominated to becoming the winner is probably the hardest thing. Something I must learn, and not be over critical about what I do, and remember that I am not simply just there to win, but to enjoy myself, and do well.

And so here I sit, the evening after the race, thinking about my reflections and realizing more about how I live my life. It is important to see the direction I am headed, and not fall short of what I am doing. Enough of being second, in fact, its time to stop thinking of me ending up as second, and getting the task done.

Perhaps I have fallen short, but training myself to overcome a situation when the odds are stacked will make me much stronger. Of which I can apply to my life.

As I reach out to feel the silver wings,
I seek to fine out the divine plans,
Holding onto what is most precious,
Knowing that nothing more can be true.

Of the hope.

It is through her eyes I am seeing through,
A reflection of the time spent,
Having faith in the both of us,
For our choices in life are for two.

Life is so brittle.

So many paths to choose,
With so much left to lose,
Our fate is such a fragile thing,
Which needs special handling.

Of the things I’ve put you through.
-Silver wings.