Reprieve

A fallen apple from my hand,
Onto this place of sand,
It is cold in this barren land.

Raising the hand to one’s face,
I feel the dried lips like dace,
I turn away from the sun’s grace.

Words become a forgotten whisper,
Thoughts a silent message to confer,
Actions become a willful endeavor.

Fate seems to spin on a wheel,
I won’t deny what I feel,
For at the end everything is sealed.

Memories slowly start fade,
Of the choices I have made,
Remembering the consequences I paid.
-The fall

Waiting, I find myself waiting for many things; we all wait for something don’t we? Often I wish I did not have to wait and what I wanted to happen would occur immediately. I guess at times I can be impatient and I hate waiting for things to happen, which often could cause more problems and even delay what I want. “Patience is a virtue” Thus quoted by a close friend of mine who believes in that quite greatly. It is perhaps one of my weaknesses, I get impatient at times, but I found that not everything would cause me to be impatient. I have learnt to control myself, though I must admit, I do get impatient, but now I try to control myself, otherwise I might do something that doesn’t benefit the whole situation.

Can such a virtue be learnt? I feel that it can be instilled rather than learnt. Being angry or annoyed is never a good thing because you often say or do things that you would not otherwise do in a normal circumstance and often those actions are regrettable. I am sure there are many people who struggle with this problem, of poor patience and a short temper. I do my best, to change.

Till the day I die, I will be me. All these changes I make in my life, the assimilation of personalities, from my experiences in life, what makes me, me is how I have taken my experiences in and become what I am today. A different person with the exact same experiences may not turn out to be a person like me. Perhaps the person might be better or worse than me, but at the end, we all get one life, and that the life we’re given, we’re living it as us, and the experiences we get are ours.

With the last breath I ever take, I hope I will have the right mindset to savor it, and know that I have lived without regret and experienced much. That’s like one of the final wishes of my life. I contemplate often about where I am now, and how much have I achieved and whether I am glad with what I got. And so far, my answer is, I am glad with it because no matter what negative parts of my life I got, the positives and each experiences makes my life worth living, and to accept what comes along my way. Also, with whatever hatred or petty grievances I’ve had with people I learnt to let go of them, and let it not affect me, thus I move on without it weighing me down, that to me is probably an important reason why I have no regret.

What I look forward to, is the people I will get to meet, interact with. To enjoy the beauty of their minds. Every new face I see has something interesting if I paid attention to it. I realize that at the end of the day, the different faces I see make life interesting as they all come with different personalities which I could get to interact with, understand, empathize and understand. I guess that’s something I like a lot, interacting with people, though eventually I will require a reprieve from it all.

As much as I like meeting new people, I can reach a point where I would want to go into a shell and be away from people and spend times reflecting on my thoughts and self. I guess when I write, it’s somewhat like this, and maybe the reason why I stopped for so long was because I never reached a stage where I needed a reprieve. My life in the military has closed so many doors, no more parties, no more outings, or much less of both. Thus, only in the start of this year, things seemed to pick up again and finally that reprieve was required.

Lying down in this boudoir,
I listen to sweet melodic tones,
I’d feel so empty without her by my side,
Whispers in my ear,
To watch the divide on her emotions,
Wanting so much to confide,
Her lips so divine,
Her words so sublime,
Losing myself in her hold,
To come undone.
-The lady in the boudoir